Monday, November 03, 2008

An Open Letter to Undecided Voters....

Dear UV,
For the past several months you have had your collective ass kissed on a daily basis by both candidates in an attempt to sway your sorry low-information thought process in their direction. Endless rallies, mailers, television commercials and emails have bombarded you with truth and lies about where Obama and McCain stand on the basic issues that affect all of us, yes, even you, though you may be too stupid to realize it.
We’ve seen your like on countless news shows expounding your opinions and your perceived knowledge of the political process, and we hear the same tired lowest common denominator responses, “I just don’t know.” “I can’t really see any difference between the two candidates.” You really just aren’t listening! Maybe it’s good old fashioned American ADHD taking hold. Perhaps the concepts are too far above your level of understanding. Whatever the reason, you’ve been coddled long enough.
The poster child for your ilk – though he has apparently chosen a side – is Joe the Plumber. This douche bag of the first water has no business even casting a vote because he has no fundamental understanding of anything. When Obama gave him a thorough answer to his ridiculous pie in the sky question about the potential earnings of the business he wants to buy (though has absolutely no means whatsoever to purchase said business) he likened Obama to Sammy Davis, Jr. tap dancing around the issue. Here’s part of Obama’s “unclear” answer:
Obama said, "First off, you would get a 50% tax credit so you'd get a tax cut for your healthcare costs….. if your revenue is above 250 – then from 250 down, your taxes are going to stay the same. It is true that from 250 up – from 250 – 300 or so, so for that additional amount, you’d go from 36 to 39%, which is what it was under Bill Clinton. And the reason why we’re doing that is because 95% of small businesses make less than 250. So what I want to do is give them a tax cut. I want to give all these folks who are bus drivers, teachers, auto workers who make less, I want to give them a tax cut. And so what we’re doing is, we are saying that folks who make more than 250 that that marginal amount above 250 – they’re gonna be taxed at a 39 instead of a 36% rate.”
For the full exchange click here.

Both candidates have provided the masses with clear plans on how they will govern if elected. Obama has a 63 page plan called The Blueprint for Change. It’s pretty comprehensive and chock full of new ideas. You might want to take a glance at it. That is, of course, if you can focus for more than 30 seconds. McCain also has a plan. It’s not as in-depth as Obama’s (Republican plans are notoriously vague and McCain’s is no exception), but it’s something. Very clearly set out. It will take you less time to digest, so why don’t you start there.
The contrast between these two candidates and their philosophies is literally black and white. If you can’t find some agreement with either plan, then frankly, you just shouldn’t bother to vote. It pains me to think that your vote is as legitimate as mine, but such is the rule of a democracy. I’ve studied the facts, stressed through the insults and scandals, registered voters and tried my best to do my patriotic duty as an American by staying as informed as possible. Meanwhile, you’ve been watching reruns of The Gilmore Girls and reading way too many anonymous emails. So at this late stage in the game let me offer a tid-bit of advice. When you are eenee-meeny-miny-mowing your way through the ballot tomorrow, please start with McCain.

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