Friday, August 29, 2008

They Can't Be Serious....

This just in – What can only be yet another wincing example of the why Republicans just don't understand comedy, John McCain has picked Sarah Palin, the 44 year old governor from ALASKA to fill the long coveted seat of Vice President. Palin is the right wing’s example of what a female leader should embody (pun intended) - a former beauty queen and mother of five, including a 5-month-old son with Down’s syndrome and an 18 year old son off to Iraq next month. Palin is pro-life, pro-gun and pro-death penalty. No big surprises there.

She also was mayor of a town of 8,000 and has been Governor for a little over a year. Big time score with experience there, John. Furthermore, she has no policy what so ever on international affairs. The cherry on the Sunday - and it's a big one with a pit - she’s got a bachelor’s degree in Journalism. That’s it. No JD. Not even a Master’s. As a former Journalism graduate student with a 4.0 average I can assure you it is the second easiest degree to acquire next to Physical Education.

As John McCain celebrates his 72nd birthday today, keep in mind that if he is elected and doesn’t manage to run out the clock, the next leader of the free world will be a former Miss Alaska runner-up with an undergraduate degree in what should essentially be a minor subject and a retarded baby to care for in addition to her duties as commander in chief. The Republicans have truly out done themselves with this latest political stunt. I can't wait for the debate between her and Biden. Tune in on October 2nd at 8 p.m. for the execution.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Musical Interlude...

Okay, everyone knows my deep love for all things U2. This particular song's emotional effect on me is profound on so many levels that I can't even begin to explain. Just enjoy....One.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

My friends, it was neither remarkable nor fascinating...

Last night's "conversation" between the presidential candidates and the high king of Christian goonery was pretty banal as far as I'm concerned. No big surprises or revelations. McCain was tolerable and Obama once again proved that he is a thinking man and was very frank about his religion and his views on the hot button issues like marriage and abortion. Whether or not the fact that Obama actually uses his gift of cognitive thought to make important decisions was a selling point among a group, who all too frequently suspends rational discourse in favor of letting Jesus handle everything, remains to be seen.

The strongest impact the program had on me personally was the drinking game I concocted over the three hour extravaganza. Every time someone said "my friends," "remarkable" or "fascinating" I took a drink. Needless to say I was quite plastered by the end of the evening. And might I recommend drinking Absinthe during this type of mental ping pong - it really illuminates the ridiculousness of the whole process like nothing else.

Friday, August 15, 2008

It's On....

I guess it's because he's that freaking good - spiritually and politically - that he would agree to answer questions about his personal life and belief in God from one of the high kings of Christian goonery, Rick Warren.

Obama will not only make John McCain look like the cantankerous old fart that he truly is, he also just might sway the goon vote fully in the Democratic direction. Bring it!

Friday, August 08, 2008

Breaking News – Clay Aiken Gives Birth to John Edward’s Love Child

Why is the news media so fixated on John Edwards and his alleged marital affair? Sure, it comes off as pretty lame that while his wife is battling cancer he’s off screwing some campaign aide that he met in a bar. But really, why should anyone give a shit about any of this very personal business?

CNN ran a “breaking news” story about the whole thing. Breaking news? Are you fucking kidding me? To quote Anderson Cooper, “There’s a war on. There’s a war on. There’s a war on!”

I’ve tried to ignore the articles that have been popping up throughout the blogosphere over the last couple of days. Then tonight I happened to tune into Larry King Live and there’s Wolf Blitzer drooling into his beard trying to get information out of Edward’s spokesperson about the affair.

Blitzer looked like a gossiping fishwife of the Gladys Kravitz variety. One could only speculate what was going on below the waist. My tolerance level peaked after about five minutes of this drivel and then I completely lost it.

And now even the Huffington Post has gone totally off the rails with the largest most absurd headline yet: “Anatomy of the Edwards Affair.”

I believe I’m long over due for a lengthy vacation from all things media. Somebody get me a beer and a shot gun.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

We'll Always Have Paris....

Click here for a big dose of funny....

Tao Te Bin

For those of you who have wondered about Otis - here is the abridged version of the Tao Te Bin.

The Otis that can be described
Is not the eternal Otis.
Otis that can be named
This is not the eternal name.

The Otis is the eternally real.
Naming it is the origin
Of all particular drunks.

Free from sobriety, you realize the mystery.
Caught in sobriety, you only see the manifestations.

Yet drunkenness and manifestations
Arise from the same source.
This source is Otis.

Otis within Otis.
The gateway to all understanding.

When people see some things as fucked up,
Fucked up things become cool.
When people only see some things when drunk,
Other things look hung over and hazy.

Drunk and sober create each other.
Employed and unemployed support each other.
Excellent and bogus define each other.
Assholes and non-assholes depend on each other.
Cheap liquor and vomiting follow each other.

Therefore, Binner is drunk without taking a sip,
And teaches without saying a word.

Things arise and he lets them come;
Things disappear and he lets them go.
He has but does not possess,
Acts but does not expect,
Drinks, but does not hurl.
When the party is over, he forgets it.
That is why it lasts forever.

If you over esteem beautiful people,
Others become ugly.
If you Bogart your booze and smokes,
People begin to steal.

Binner leads by emptying peoples’ glasses
And filing their cores.
He helps everyone to party on,
And they abandon worry and ambition.
This creates confusion on those who think
They know Otis.

Practice getting lit
And everything will fall into place.

Otis is like an infinite keg –
Tapped, but never tapped out.
It is like the sky –
Empty, yet filled with infinite possibilities.

It can be sober
But always present.

I don’t know who gave birth to it,
It was probably Binner.

The Tao doesn’t take sides,
It gives birth to good and evil.

Binner doesn’t take sides,
He welcomes assholes and non-assholes.

The more you use Otis
The more it produces.

The more you speak of it
The less you understand.

Hold onto a blade of grass.

Otis is always present within you.
You can use it any way you want.

Otis is infinite and eternal.
Why is it eternal?
Because it is.

Why is it infinite?
It has no buzz for itself –
Thus, it brings enough for everyone.

So it is like Binner –
Present for all beings who party.

Binner is the master because he stays behind.
That is why he is ahead.
He drinks all drinks –
That is why he is one with them.
Because he has completely let himself go,
He is perfectly fulfilled.

When you are content to simply drink and be yourself,
And you don’t mouth or show off
Everyone will respect you.

Drink your drink,
Smoke your weed,
Then put on some tunes.

The only path to serenity.

Binner observes the world
And often falls off the side,
But he trusts his inner vision.
He allows things to come and go.
His heart is as open as a punch bowl.

Binner is profound and subtle.
His wisdom is unfathomable.
There is no way to describe him,
All we can describe is his appearance.

He is short.
He is drunk.
He is clear as vodka.
He is tranquil.
He is Binner.
This is Otis.

Do you have the patience to wait
Until the Old Crow nests in your mind?

The master doesn’t seek drunkenness.
By not seeking or expecting
He is present and can welcome all things.

All drunks in the universe
Return to the common source.
Returning to the source is Ovalon.

If you don’t realize the source,
You stumble in confusion, not drunkenness.
When you realize you are lit,
You naturally build up a tolerance,
Become amused, compassionate as a bartender –
Wise as a sage, dignified as a king.
Immersed in the wonder of Otis,
You become like Binner.

When Binner parties
The people are hardly aware he exists.
That is why Binner is the master.
Next best to the master
Is a drunk who is funny.
Next – one who is clever.
The worst is one who is an asshole.
This is not like Binner.

The master doesn’t talk
He builds a fire.
The guests of the party enjoy.
When the party is over, the host says,
“My party was amazing! I threw it all by myself!”

Stop thinking and planning!
What difference between yes and no?
What difference between drunk and just buzzed?
Throw away bullshit and build a fire.
This is keeping with the Bin Wei.

Must you value what the herd values?
Avoid what the herd avoids?

How ridiculous!

The herd is excited as if at the mall.
The master does not care.
He alone is expressionless,
Like a minor in the package store before they are legal.

The master keeps his mind always at one with the O.
This is why he is like the Tao.
This gives Binner radiance.

How can the master be at one with it?
Because he doesn’t cling to ideas.

Otis is dark and unfathomable –
How can it make him radiant?

Because he lights a fire with it.

Binner is born of Otis.
Otis is born of Binner.
Both are born of the Tao.

Tastes great – less filling,
Which is more important?

Bowl or papers –
Which is more valuable.

Drunk or sober –
Which is more destructive?

Be content with your own party, your own scene.
Rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
The whole world belongs to you.

True words aren’t eloquent;
Eloquent words aren’t true.
Good wines are not expensive,
Expensive wines are not always good.

Wise men do not need to prove their point;
Men who need to prove their point are wise asses.

The master knows the more he does for others,
The happier he is.
The more he drinks with others,
The drunker he gets.

The Tao nourishes by not forcing.
By not dominating, the master leads.