Friday, November 28, 2008

Tis the Season.....

This image pretty much says it all. So much for that holiday spirit. The whole American attitude sickens me beyond mere words. I will be posting a piece on the psychos who wait outside Walmarts across the country to storm in at 5:00 a.m. for the bargains. I've just learned that a worker in New York was actually trampled to death by these rabid insane consumers. Right now, I'm just too pissed off to write. Look for something tomorrow when I calm down.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

There really is a Santa Claus...

Hello faithful reader,

My shiny new computer is due to arrive any day now and posts will resume accordingly. Meanwhile, this wonderful bit of news courtesy of the Huffington Post is sure to bring some holiday cheer:

Ann Coulter's Jaw Wired Shut

It's pretty drastic, but she's not exactly a subtle presence in the pundit club.

Monday, November 17, 2008

In absurd news today....

It appears that we do in fact live in the bizzaro world after all. Just in time for Christmas, Joe the Plumber will be publishing his book. Do I feel like puking? Absolutely. In less time than it takes to publish a comic book, this douche bag will produce a full length manifesto. Of course, he's not really writing it. One can be fairly certain that he can't put together a coherent sentence on paper, let alone a full length book. However, there you have it America. A total moron with what could potentially be a multi-million dollar book deal. What a country!

"Joe the Plumber Book Due Out In December"

Commence banging head on!

A note from the management....

I realize that posts lately have been lacking. Last week totally sucked as far as technology goes. After reformatting my PC twice, installing a brand spanking new hard drive and spending too many hours downloading and re-downloading essential programs we've come to the conclusion that the mother board is cooked and now the Mister and I must purchase a new tower all together - hopefully tonight.

To top it off, my brand new laptop also had a mother board issue and had to be sent back to Dell to be fixed. That was almost two weeks ago. I'm still waiting for them to send it back all fresh and shiny new. Until then, my only post time is at work which is totally not cool. So, stay patient reader. I'll be back making opinionated useless commentary before you know it.

Yours Truly,
The Management

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Oh yes we did.....

As the dust begins to settle and the gravity of what happened on November 4th has finally set in I am left with an overwhelming sense of optimism, elation and most of all, relief. For the first time in my twenty year voting history I’ve cast a vote not only for a winner, but for someone for whom I have the greatest respect and admiration. This time around it wasn’t merely a choice between the lesser of two evils – as it was for my only other winning vote which was cast for Bill Clinton in 1992. This time my vote was more of a confident defiance against what the media has been force feeding me for well over a decade: the notion that we are somehow this ignorant, hollow-values based society who takes comfort in choosing incompetent leaders because somehow they are more like “us” and that a warped interpretation of the teachings of Jesus Christ has to be the defining factor in every decision made by our leaders. As President-Elect Obama exclaimed on more than one occasion, “Enough!”
I admit, watching the results come in Tuesday night I was apprehensive about an Obama victory. Not because I thought that he wasn’t the better candidate, or that he wouldn’t garner the most votes. No, the number one reason had to do with my cynical side which has been reinforced too many times with devastating disappointments. I felt certain the Republicans would cheat their way into another victory. Even when the final tally was called, fittingly enough by Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, I thought they were joking. It wasn’t until the next day, watching Obama address the massive crowd in Grant Park on C-SPAN, that I was hit with the awesome magnitude of the moment. America got it right. Finally. The deep pride I felt cannot be compared to anything I’ve ever experienced. Infinitely bigger than Springsteen, Elvis or the Red Sox win in 2004.
As the final chapter of this nightmare that has been the Bush administration finally comes to a close, and all we now must endure is a weak epilogue, I can at last reflect with as sense of assured satisfaction on all the stress-inducing, throw things at the TV moments that have taken up far too much space in my life throughout this campaign. Good bye and good riddance to:
  • Joe the Plumber
  • Sarah Palin and her entire family
  • Reverend Jeremiah Wright
  • Bill Ayres
  • John McCain’s evil twin (the one who took over these last several months on the campaign trail)
  • Are we ready for a black president?
  • The Bradley Effect
  • You betcha (wink) again, also too…
  • Secret Muslim
  • Hank Williams, Jr.
Perhaps this vote proves once and for all that America is essentially a liberal thinking country. That her people may have diverse backgrounds and beliefs, but in the end reason trumps ideology. It’s been a long time coming, and it took a Hell of a lot of screw ups to finally stir the sleeping giant from its dream of petty consumerism and “I, me, mine” world view. Who knows what lies ahead? Obama has his work cut out for him, and I’m sure there will be mistakes along the way. But as far as I’m concerned, if Obama can’t fix us, no one can.

Monday, November 03, 2008

An Open Letter to Undecided Voters....

Dear UV,
For the past several months you have had your collective ass kissed on a daily basis by both candidates in an attempt to sway your sorry low-information thought process in their direction. Endless rallies, mailers, television commercials and emails have bombarded you with truth and lies about where Obama and McCain stand on the basic issues that affect all of us, yes, even you, though you may be too stupid to realize it.
We’ve seen your like on countless news shows expounding your opinions and your perceived knowledge of the political process, and we hear the same tired lowest common denominator responses, “I just don’t know.” “I can’t really see any difference between the two candidates.” You really just aren’t listening! Maybe it’s good old fashioned American ADHD taking hold. Perhaps the concepts are too far above your level of understanding. Whatever the reason, you’ve been coddled long enough.
The poster child for your ilk – though he has apparently chosen a side – is Joe the Plumber. This douche bag of the first water has no business even casting a vote because he has no fundamental understanding of anything. When Obama gave him a thorough answer to his ridiculous pie in the sky question about the potential earnings of the business he wants to buy (though has absolutely no means whatsoever to purchase said business) he likened Obama to Sammy Davis, Jr. tap dancing around the issue. Here’s part of Obama’s “unclear” answer:
Obama said, "First off, you would get a 50% tax credit so you'd get a tax cut for your healthcare costs….. if your revenue is above 250 – then from 250 down, your taxes are going to stay the same. It is true that from 250 up – from 250 – 300 or so, so for that additional amount, you’d go from 36 to 39%, which is what it was under Bill Clinton. And the reason why we’re doing that is because 95% of small businesses make less than 250. So what I want to do is give them a tax cut. I want to give all these folks who are bus drivers, teachers, auto workers who make less, I want to give them a tax cut. And so what we’re doing is, we are saying that folks who make more than 250 that that marginal amount above 250 – they’re gonna be taxed at a 39 instead of a 36% rate.”
For the full exchange click here.

Both candidates have provided the masses with clear plans on how they will govern if elected. Obama has a 63 page plan called The Blueprint for Change. It’s pretty comprehensive and chock full of new ideas. You might want to take a glance at it. That is, of course, if you can focus for more than 30 seconds. McCain also has a plan. It’s not as in-depth as Obama’s (Republican plans are notoriously vague and McCain’s is no exception), but it’s something. Very clearly set out. It will take you less time to digest, so why don’t you start there.
The contrast between these two candidates and their philosophies is literally black and white. If you can’t find some agreement with either plan, then frankly, you just shouldn’t bother to vote. It pains me to think that your vote is as legitimate as mine, but such is the rule of a democracy. I’ve studied the facts, stressed through the insults and scandals, registered voters and tried my best to do my patriotic duty as an American by staying as informed as possible. Meanwhile, you’ve been watching reruns of The Gilmore Girls and reading way too many anonymous emails. So at this late stage in the game let me offer a tid-bit of advice. When you are eenee-meeny-miny-mowing your way through the ballot tomorrow, please start with McCain.

Sunday, November 02, 2008