Merry Christmas!

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

A Colbert Christmas: Another Christmas Song

Colbert at Christmas
Colbert Christmas DVD

Green Screen
Bill O'Reilly Interview

Damn!

I'd say he's the hottest president thus far. Wouldn't you?

Fuzzy memories....

Yesterday while driving to work this song came on the radio. It's an old one and it gave me the biggest shit eating grin I've had in too many moons. There's no video here, just straight rocking bliss. So for any of you who've ever drank beer in the woods in front of a bonfire with a ghetto blaster hooked up to a car battery I implore you to sit back, close your eyes and wax nostalgic for the next four minutes and fifteen seconds. Ladies and gentleman, without any further ado, here's Van Halen's Drop Dead Legs.

Sunday Sauce

Christmas is definitely on this year. Yesterday the old man and I got a real tree – a symbolic gesture we haven’t done in way too many years. It’s somewhat larger than it appeared in the lot where first we spied it. Luckily we didn’t have to pull a Babitz to make it fit. Now the whole house smells of Balsam Fir and that’s just fine with me! The holiday shopping was low key and I’m relieved to say that it’s finished. Now there’s cooking to do and parties to host.

2008 has been a mixed bag of crap and candy. Last year I was determined to have a positive, happy year and despite a whole lot of trials and tribulations it has been pretty damn good. Much like the Obama win in November, the year has proven to be quite transformative for me personally. For better or for worse, we’re all in it so we better make it work – that includes our conduct both in our daily family lives and outside. People generally piss me off to no end with their incessant cell phone use and overall disregard for manners and etiquette. All I can do is try to be the example with an open mind and hopefully less aggravation. We owe it to ourselves and our country to do the best we can regardless of the situation. Consider that today’s word of advice.

Now I must get back to tending the sauce. Ciao.

2008 Year End Wrap Up...

Top 10 Things We Could Have Done Without

1. Sarah Palin
2. Joe the Plumber
3. PUMAs
4. The writers’ strike
5. The new iPhone
6. $4 a gallon gas
7. Tom Brokaw hosting Meet the Press
8. Sex and the City (the movie)
9. Windows Vista
10. Black Friday and all the morons who participated

Top 5 things I learned this year
1. Depression and grief are not the same, though both totally suck.
2. Couples therapy is silly.
3. The Hotel Chelsea is the most disgusting lodging this side of Calcutta.
4. No matter how hard I try I just don’t like Feist.
5. Absinthe is everything it’s cracked up to be and sometimes more.

Music Pics
1. Back to Black – Amy Winehouse
2. Frank – Amy Winehouse
3. Collected – Massive Attack
4. Unbreakable: A Retrospective – The Afghan Whigs
5. Oh My Nola – Harry Connick, Jr.

Books
1. Catching the Big Fish: Meditation, Consciousness and Creativity – David Lynch
2. The Age of American Unreason – Susan Jacoby
3. Free Thinkers: A History of American Secularism – Susan Jacoby
4. Acting In Film: An Actor’s Take on Movie Making – Michael Caine
5. The Great Derangement – Matt Taibbi
6. Obsessive Branding Disorder – Lucas Conley
7. A Mencken Chrestomathy – H.L. Mencken
8. Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom – Dr. Christiane Northru
9. Going Home: Jesus and Buddha as Brothers – Thich Nhat Hanh
10. The Federalist Papers – Alexander Hamilton, James Madison and John Jay

Get your geek on...

Sunday marks the beginning of White House week on C-SPAN. Happy, happy. Joy, joy.

More therapy......

Musical Interlude

As you well know, the Beatles are number one bar none in my book. Not only is this particular song my favorite, but it pretty much sums up exactly how I'm feeling today. So for therapeutic purposes, here's Hide Your Love Away....

Happy Birthday

It’s been a year since I started this blog. It began as a way to cope with the writers’ strike and the fact that my favorite shows (Colbert and Daily) were sent into reruns for over a month. Boredom and frustration set in, so I figured I’d create an outlet for my angst that became Web Dunce official.

The changes that took place this past year, both for the country and for me personally have been quite profound. I’ve never used this blog as a space for anything personal going on in my life, but let’s just say that my human experience has broadened across the spectrum of complete elation and happiness to total loss. I’ve grown, luckily not in the physical sense.

I spent a good portion of this past year living in a semi-reality. Going on dream dates to political rallies with my imaginary boyfriend, Steve, letting cable news become my new drug of choice, and getting though a mid life crisis by submerging myself into acting and screen writing in an attempt to keep busy and not dwell too long on things that I cannot change.

Through all the ups and downs, it still turned out to be a pretty good year. I got to see Barack Obama speak in person, my job is turning out to be the best thing that’s ever happened to me professionally, and I’m married to the greatest guy in the world. Not too shabby. I still remain a total cynic, but in a healthy observant way. Though I’d like to have more time to contribute to this blogging endeavor, I’ll do my best to keep it going for as long as I’m able. So raise a glass in solidarity fair reader, even though the half full cup is a third backwash.

Tis the Season.....

This image pretty much says it all. So much for that holiday spirit. The whole American attitude sickens me beyond mere words. I will be posting a piece on the psychos who wait outside Walmarts across the country to storm in at 5:00 a.m. for the bargains. I've just learned that a worker in New York was actually trampled to death by these rabid insane consumers. Right now, I'm just too pissed off to write. Look for something tomorrow when I calm down.

There really is a Santa Claus...

Hello faithful reader,

My shiny new computer is due to arrive any day now and posts will resume accordingly. Meanwhile, this wonderful bit of news courtesy of the Huffington Post is sure to bring some holiday cheer:

Ann Coulter's Jaw Wired Shut

It's pretty drastic, but she's not exactly a subtle presence in the pundit club.

In absurd news today....

It appears that we do in fact live in the bizzaro world after all. Just in time for Christmas, Joe the Plumber will be publishing his book. Do I feel like puking? Absolutely. In less time than it takes to publish a comic book, this douche bag will produce a full length manifesto. Of course, he's not really writing it. One can be fairly certain that he can't put together a coherent sentence on paper, let alone a full length book. However, there you have it America. A total moron with what could potentially be a multi-million dollar book deal. What a country!


"Joe the Plumber Book Due Out In December"

Commence banging head on desk.....now!

A note from the management....

I realize that posts lately have been lacking. Last week totally sucked as far as technology goes. After reformatting my PC twice, installing a brand spanking new hard drive and spending too many hours downloading and re-downloading essential programs we've come to the conclusion that the mother board is cooked and now the Mister and I must purchase a new tower all together - hopefully tonight.

To top it off, my brand new laptop also had a mother board issue and had to be sent back to Dell to be fixed. That was almost two weeks ago. I'm still waiting for them to send it back all fresh and shiny new. Until then, my only post time is at work which is totally not cool. So, stay patient reader. I'll be back making opinionated useless commentary before you know it.

Yours Truly,
The Management

Happy Friday

Oh yes we did.....

As the dust begins to settle and the gravity of what happened on November 4^th has finally set in I am left with an overwhelming sense of optimism, elation and most of all, relief. For the first time in my twenty year voting history I’ve cast a vote not only for a winner, but for someone for whom I have the greatest respect and admiration. This time around it wasn’t merely a choice between the lesser of two evils – as it was for my only other winning vote which was cast for Bill Clinton in 1992. This time my vote was more of a confident defiance against what the media has been force feeding me for well over a decade: the notion that we are somehow this ignorant, hollow-values based society who takes comfort in choosing incompetent leaders because somehow they are more like “us” and that a warped interpretation of the teachings of Jesus Christ has to be the defining factor in every decision made by our leaders. As President-Elect Obama exclaimed on more than one occasion, “Enough!”

I admit, watching the results come in Tuesday night I was apprehensive about an Obama victory. Not because I thought that he wasn’t the better candidate, or that he wouldn’t garner the most votes. No, the number one reason had to do with my cynical side which has been reinforced too many times with devastating disappointments. I felt certain the Republicans would cheat their way into another victory. Even when the final tally was called, fittingly enough by Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, I thought they were joking. It wasn’t until the next day, watching Obama address the massive crowd in Grant Park on C-SPAN, that I was hit with the awesome magnitude of the moment. America got it right. Finally. The deep pride I felt cannot be compared to anything I’ve ever experienced. Infinitely bigger than Springsteen, Elvis or the Red Sox win in 2004.

As the final chapter of this nightmare that has been the Bush administration finally comes to a close, and all we now must endure is a weak epilogue, I can at last reflect with as sense of assured satisfaction on all the stress-inducing, throw things at the TV moments that have taken up far too much space in my life throughout this campaign. Good bye and good riddance to:

• Joe the Plumber
• Sarah Palin and her entire family
• Reverend Jeremiah Wright
• Bill Ayres
• John McCain’s evil twin (the one who took over these last several months on the campaign trail)
• Are we ready for a black president?
• The Bradley Effect
• You betcha (wink) again, also too…
• Secret Muslim
• Hank Williams, Jr.

Perhaps this vote proves once and for all that America is essentially a liberal thinking country. That her people may have diverse backgrounds and beliefs, but in the end reason trumps ideology. It’s been a long time coming, and it took a Hell of a lot of screw ups to finally stir the sleeping giant from its dream of petty consumerism and “I, me, mine” world view. Who knows what lies ahead? Obama has his work cut out for him, and I’m sure there will be mistakes along the way. But as far as I’m concerned, if Obama can’t fix us, no one can.

An Open Letter to Undecided Voters....

Dear UV,

For the past several months you have had your collective ass kissed on a daily basis by both candidates in an attempt to sway your sorry low-information thought process in their direction. Endless rallies, mailers, television commercials and emails have bombarded you with truth and lies about where Obama and McCain stand on the basic issues that affect all of us, yes, even you, though you may be too stupid to realize it.

We’ve seen your like on countless news shows expounding your opinions and your perceived knowledge of the political process, and we hear the same tired lowest common denominator responses, “I just don’t know.” “I can’t really see any difference between the two candidates.” You really just aren’t listening! Maybe it’s good old fashioned American ADHD taking hold. Perhaps the concepts are too far above your level of understanding. Whatever the reason, you’ve been coddled long enough.

The poster child for your ilk – though he has apparently chosen a side – is Joe the Plumber. This douche bag of the first water has no business even casting a vote because he has no fundamental understanding of anything. When Obama gave him a thorough answer to his ridiculous pie in the sky question about the potential earnings of the business he wants to buy (though has absolutely no means whatsoever to purchase said business) he likened Obama to Sammy Davis, Jr. tap dancing around the issue. Here’s part of Obama’s “unclear” answer:

Obama said, "First off, you would get a 50% tax credit so you'd get a tax cut for your healthcare costs….. if your revenue is above 250 – then from 250 down, your taxes are going to stay the same. It is true that from 250 up – from 250 – 300 or so, so for that additional amount, you’d go from 36 to 39%, which is what it was under Bill Clinton. And the reason why we’re doing that is because 95% of small businesses make less than 250. So what I want to do is give them a tax cut. I want to give all these folks who are bus drivers, teachers, auto workers who make less, I want to give them a tax cut. And so what we’re doing is, we are saying that folks who make more than 250 that that marginal amount above 250 – they’re gonna be taxed at a 39 instead of a 36% rate.”

For the full exchange click here.

Both candidates have provided the masses with clear plans on how they will govern if elected. Obama has a 63 page plan called The Blueprint for Change. It’s pretty comprehensive and chock full of new ideas. You might want to take a glance at it. That is, of course, if you can focus for more than 30 seconds. McCain also has a plan. It’s not as in-depth as Obama’s (Republican plans are notoriously vague and McCain’s is no exception), but it’s something. Very clearly set out. It will take you less time to digest, so why don’t you start there.

The contrast between these two candidates and their philosophies is literally black and white. If you can’t find some agreement with either plan, then frankly, you just shouldn’t bother to vote. It pains me to think that your vote is as legitimate as mine, but such is the rule of a democracy. I’ve studied the facts, stressed through the insults and scandals, registered voters and tried my best to do my patriotic duty as an American by staying as informed as possible. Meanwhile, you’ve been watching reruns of The Gilmore Girls and reading way too many anonymous emails. So at this late stage in the game let me offer a tid-bit of advice. When you are eenee-meeny-miny-mowing your way through the ballot tomorrow, please start with McCain.

ZOMG!!!

Wilco on Colbert? I must be in Heaven.....

I've just learned that my two favorite obsessions will be combined in a surreal fantasy that I never even considered. Yes, Wilco will be a guest on The Colbert Report tomorrow night. With all the stress of the election and other various issues happening in my life right now this could not be a more welcome surprise! Be sure to tune in at 11:30 on Comedy Central. I feel like it's Christmas morning and that shiny new Huffy 10 speed is resting under the tree wrapped in a big red bow!

Oui On Peut!!!!

Top Five Superficial Reasons Why I Hate Sarah Palin....

1. She met Bono

2. Guest stint on SNL

3. $150K on fancy new duds

4. Hall of fame for all time stupidest kids' names

5. That ridiculous accent

And then there's this.....

"Middletown's 'Birdman' Still Believes He Can Fly"

God, how I love living in Middletown!!

Happy Friday

How's that crow tastin?

Why is it that when times get really bad it's ALWAYS a democratic plan that manages to set us right again. And despite that glaring fact, the republicans never concede that their economic philosophy just plain doesn't work for the common good. Now, with their backs to the wall and ten seconds left in the game, Bush and co. decide to let the government take partial ownership of the major American banks, not to take over the free market, mind you, but to preserve it. You can wrap it in whatever dubious language that makes you the most comfortable, Mr. Bush. The fact of the matter is that when it comes down to brass tacks, the "free market" isn't fit to regulate a lemonade stand. All props and respect to FDR. The above photo, by the way, is of the first Roosevelt bank opened in March 1933.

Who says they can't be just as miserable as the rest of us....legally?

Some days I'm actually proud to live in Connecticut. Once again, our laws reflect the constitutionality of an issue, and not the religious righteousness that all too often permeates the political and social discourse in this country.

Connecticut court overturns gay marriage ban

REUTERS
Reuters North American News Service

Oct 10, 2008 10:38 EST

BOSTON (Reuters) - The Connecticut Supreme Court overturned a ban on same-sex marriage Friday in a victory for gay-rights advocates that will allow couples to marry in the New England state.

The court found that the state's law limiting marriage to heterosexual couples discriminates on the basis of sexual orientation.

Connecticut is now the third state in the country to allow gay marriage, following neighboring Massachusetts, the first state to allow it, and California.

Connecticut already permitted same-sex civil unions that grant largely the same state rights as to married couples, but lack the full, federal legal protections of marriage.

(Reporting by Svea Herbst-Bayliss)

Happy Friday

Qualin Fever...Catch it!

This is an actual quote from an interview done with Mrs. Palin yesterday. I shit you not:

QUESTION: (FOX) Are you going to continue to link Obama to Ayers with all of the economic problems going on?

A: Well, Americans are caring about the problems in the economy of course And wanting to know what those long term solutions are that our ticket can provide and what the other ticket is proposing so when you talk though about what it is that we are proposing and what it is that Barack Obama is proposing again it is relevant to connect that association that he has with Ayers--not so much he as a person Ayers, but the whole situation and the truthfulness and the judgment there that you must question if again he's not being forthright in all of his answers as to how did you know him, when did you know him, why would you continue to be associated with him!? It makes you wonder about the forthrightedness, the truthfulness of the plans that he is telling America in regards to the economic recovery because that is first and foremost on American's minds."

You're now free to bang your head repeatedly on your desk.

Say it ain't so, Joe....

Lieberman: "I worry about whether Obama has the right stuff to bomb Iran"

Once again, the junior senator from Connecticut literally sucks out loud. Honestly, this man needs to learn how to think before he speaks. What a jackass.

I think I'm gonna be sick....

Today I read something on the Huffington Post that so sickened me that I’m starting to believe that a health mishap to either McCain or Palin wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Apparently, these two jokers have their base so riled up that shouts of “kill him” and “terrorist” can be heard when Obama’s name is invoked. I imagine my feelings at the moment aren’t all that different from rational people’s feelings as recent as the mid-sixties when blatant, violent, in-your-face racism ruled the day for way too much of the American landscape. It’s more than an outrage. It’s the basis for a cultural revolution.

I’ve always been a little taken aback when it comes to Republicans. They are, for all intents and purposes, the epitome of low information voters. They have nothing to argue because they don’t even understand the argument. I can admire someone like William F. Buckley, Jr., who actually had the intellectual capacity and, yes I dare say it, the breeding, to rationally debate his ultra conservative views. The hacks who now are in charge of the conservative agenda are a disgraceful motley crew of angry, bigoted opportunists who aren’t fit to work in the Buckley stables, let alone as his surrogates in the post neo-con vortex that we find ourselves in today.

When John McCain clinched the republican nomination I thought to myself, well, at least he’s only half crazy. All the things I’d heard about him (admittedly, I am not a follower of McCain and never really gave him much thought) pointed to a guy who seemed rational, someone who could be trusted. The media loved him. He promised to run his campaign with dignity and focus on the issues. There would be no mud slinging. I was excited for the first time to be a part of a presidential campaign unlike any other, consisting of two candidates with stark differences who could articulate them to the American people. They wanted us to be informed. Granted, all political campaigns have a degree of attack ads and smears. It’s part of the territory and we all expect some level of it. But today it has crossed the line into violence inciting inflammatory rhetoric that must not be tolerated under any circumstance. Instead of McCain distancing himself from these morons, who unfortunately make up a large part of his base, he encourages them. When one of these sons of the south called for Obama to be killed during a McCain rally hosted by Sarah Palin, she didn’t even flinch. Holy shit.

Tonight’s debate is scheduled to take place in Nashville, in a town hall type setting with the audience asking the questions. The situation could not be more favorable to McCain, as he’s been harping about doing one of these with Obama since the beginning. I have no doubt that Obama will do brilliantly. However, it is my sincere hope that a member of this audience has the balls to ask Senator McCain why he insists on comparing Obama to a terrorist and how he can ignore calls for Obama’s lynching at his rallies while simultaneously calling himself a patriotic American.

The Most Beautiful Woman in the Playhouse....

I had a horrible revelation today while navigating my way up 91 North in the pouring rain. Sarah Palin is playing us all. From the moment her face was plastered on every news outlet and blog in the universe anger erupted from all sides. Mostly because the media, used to their customary hand job in the back seat of the Cadillac we like to refer to as the first amendment, were not properly introduced to Mrs. Palin and subsequently had to jack themselves off – much to their chagrin.

Crazy stories about pregnant unwed teens, witch doctors, retards and tattooed lip liner flooded every lane and exit on the information super highway blocking the rescue crews from getting to the mangled wreck of how a potential vice president should be handled and applying the jaws of life. All of this was in the master plan of the Republicans, who for some reason have the market cornered on evil geniuses. All of it – from her nonsensical answers to seemingly direct questions, to her folksy demeanor – was in the can long before any of us outside of Juneau could reckon. It’s a total academy award worthy act.

I won’t be surprised in the least if she nails Joe Biden to the wall in tomorrow’s debate. She very well could come across as a slick, well-scripted politician with all the right answers and a smoking set of gams to boot. By letting the McCain campaign frame the entire debate around phony sexism and “gotcha journalism” the media has no choice but to retaliate. But their sheer predictability out of profound laziness will play exactly into the hand of McCain.

The bar has been lowered so far that Mrs. Palin can basically step over it without even showing any thigh. This is too easy for her. And if I’m right, it’s going exactly as planned. Biden hasn’t got a chance because we no longer care about the issues. All we’ll be looking for is Palin to completely fuck up beyond reproach. This is not going to happen. She’ll sparkle and shine. She’ll look lovely. We’ll eat it up. Nothing said will even resonate with anyone. Each base will walk away with what they’re craving. “Undecided” aka low information voters will comment on her looks, her accent, that she was sharper than they’d imagined and she’ll win it. All. A beautiful woman is never taken seriously. No matter what happens, she can’t lose. But for now, let’s savor the absurdity for a little longer. I give you Sarah Palin (nee Heath) in the talent portion of the Miss Alaska pageant.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/10/01/sarah-palins-beauty-pagea_n_130901.html

Happy Friday

Photo of the week....

Anger is an Energy....

I have to distance myself from the news cycle for a little while. Things are just becoming too distorted and weird. My seething hatred of McSame/Qualin was minimally abated by news of the collapse of America’s financial markets. That is just beyond fucked up. I’m actually getting pleasure out of seeing these two political clowns get a minor comeuppance in the media on the back of a devastating financial crash unrivaled since the great depression. What is happening to me? I used to pride myself on a rational thought process, yet lately any sleazy cheap shot at the Republican ticket has the same effect on me as a hit of crack does on a dope fiend. Why am I letting the politics of smear have an emotional effect on my otherwise analytical thinking?

It has recently dawned on me that we as a society – aside from huge portions of us just too stupid to live – have been overly processed with images, slogans and sound bytes that are now, irrevocably I’m afraid, taking control of our capacity for free will while we in turn disconnect ourselves from humanity. How many times a day do I sit through commercial after commercial telling me I’m too fat, I have acne, sexual dysfunction, bad breath, age spots, a dead-end career? The list is infinite. Americans are suffering from the worst inferiority complex on the planet and at the same time we beat our chests and mindlessly shout out, “USA, USA, USA” with one finger on the big red button. This insanity has to stop otherwise the dream and promise of America will implode. Fast.

Things are so disconnected, and people are so far removed from reality, that petty inconsequential bull shit from all directions has managed to skew any semblance of reasonable discrimination. Everything appears to have equal footing regardless of the obvious inequities staring us right in the face. No, the O’Reilly Factor does not have the same journalistic integrity as The News Hour with Jim Lehrer. No, “executive experience” does not trump constitutional law. And fuck no, emergency contraception is not abortion. Yet here we are, a society of dim wits having bogus information spoon fed into our every orifice. Did you know that 1 in 5 Americans has genital herpes? Rome is burning.

Perhaps I’m wasting my time trying to distinguish my self from the rest of the herd. They seem to be having a pretty good time overall. The anger that has sustained me for so long and enabled me to remain alert and informed is beginning to lose its fire. Maybe the flood of useless psychobabble and distorted images is just what’s needed to once and for all wash over my overburdened brain and extinguish the flame. A baptism of sorts. Oh the irony.

Fuck it, let's dance....

The Vagina Vote

Finally the dust is beginning to settle after all the fury and outrage at McCain's estrogen induced political choice of Sarah Palin as his running mate. The latest "pussy poll" (I know it's crude, but seeing the way "women" have been so manipulated and spoken for by far too many men lately I feel it is an appropriate label) has at last confirmed what I've suspected and hoped for all along. Women apparently do not vote with their vaginas - as so many pundits and PUMAs would like you to believe - they actually weigh the issues and decide what's is their best interest. Some examples:

Which ticket understands the issues and concerns important to women?
Obama/Biden 53%
McCain/Palin 35%

Obama also went from a 44% lead (69% to 25%) to a 54% lead (75% to 21%) over McCain among Clinton voters as they learned more about Sarah Palin's background and her positions on core issues.

View the poll in its entirety here.

Remember Always 9/11/01

Thank you Bob Cesca.....

A Soldier's Take on the Bullshit of the RNC....

This post just reiterates what I've been saying about the RNC, only much more eloquently and with more gravitas. Jon Stoltz is the co-founder of VoteVets.org and has served in Operation Iraqi Freedom.


"How Did the RNC Insult the Troops and Veterans? Let Me Count the Ways..."

Happy Friday

I wish I could force my father-in-law to watch this....

An all time low in Republican goonery...

Can they stoop any lower? The lies, the gross distortions and the really bad music pale in comparison to this latest pseudo-patriotic stunt. I realize that the Bush administration and its uber-goons have banned photographers and journalists from military funerals, even at the request of the families, but to use actors and a staged funeral in one of their RNC "we're so proud of our brave men and women" videos is as sickening as it gets.

Fake Soldiers Used In RNC Video

Can we get a little sanity here?

The cable news Hurricane Gustav spectacle this weekend was bested only by the utter lunacy of the Republican National Convention screeching to a halt because New Orleans might possibly – oh you never can tell – better call in the guard – experience another hurricane.

Everyone was salivating at the prospect of a direct hit on my second favorite city. News crews - local and national – were constantly checking in with low level reporting jack-offs standing in the pouring rain and intense wind eager to show the eyes of the world that yes, they will do just about anything to get on camera. Even the Cooper Scooper had on his traditional, “I’m a serious field reporter” black tee-shirt. Will the levees hold? What about the 10,000 who refused to leave? Look, if those levees can’t withstand a category one hurricane then we might as well throw up our hands in disgust and pack it all in because that would be proof positive that we are a nation of fucktards.

I’m sure you don’t need to be reminded just what exactly Dubya and McCain were doing during Hurricane Katrina, but here’s a visual to jar your memory:

The solemn convention was yet another opportunity for Republicans to flash their vaudeville credentials. I especially liked Laura Bush’s remark about the Gulf Coast governors, “They’re all strong leaders – and they were planning to be here with us today – and they all happen to be republicans.” No shit. Were they expecting any democratic governors to attend?

Look here as our First Lady and her ecto-skeletal potential successor give a weather update and ask people to donate money as if the convention were the Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon:

Finally, here’s a little dose of sanity:

They Can't Be Serious....

This just in – What can only be yet another wincing example of the why Republicans just don't understand comedy, John McCain has picked Sarah Palin, the 44 year old governor from ALASKA to fill the long coveted seat of Vice President. Palin is the right wing’s example of what a female leader should embody (pun intended) - a former beauty queen and mother of five, including a 5-month-old son with Down’s syndrome and an 18 year old son off to Iraq next month. Palin is pro-life, pro-gun and pro-death penalty. No big surprises there.

She also was mayor of a town of 8,000 and has been Governor for a little over a year. Big time score with experience there, John. Furthermore, she has no policy what so ever on international affairs. The cherry on the Sunday - and it's a big one with a pit - she’s got a bachelor’s degree in Journalism. That’s it. No JD. Not even a Master’s. As a former Journalism graduate student with a 4.0 average I can assure you it is the second easiest degree to acquire next to Physical Education.

As John McCain celebrates his 72^nd birthday today, keep in mind that if he is elected and doesn’t manage to run out the clock, the next leader of the free world will be a former Miss Alaska runner-up with an undergraduate degree in what should essentially be a minor subject and a retarded baby to care for in addition to her duties as commander in chief. The Republicans have truly out done themselves with this latest political stunt. I can't wait for the debate between her and Biden. Tune in on October 2nd at 8 p.m. for the execution.

You know things are bad when.....

The mob no longer deals in US currency.

"Criminals Dumping Weak US Dollar For Euro"

Happy Friday

Musical Interlude...

Okay, everyone knows my deep love for all things U2. This particular song's emotional effect on me is profound on so many levels that I can't even begin to explain. Just enjoy....One.

My friends, it was neither remarkable nor fascinating...

Last night's "conversation" between the presidential candidates and the high king of Christian goonery was pretty banal as far as I'm concerned. No big surprises or revelations. McCain was tolerable and Obama once again proved that he is a thinking man and was very frank about his religion and his views on the hot button issues like marriage and abortion. Whether or not the fact that Obama actually uses his gift of cognitive thought to make important decisions was a selling point among a group, who all too frequently suspends rational discourse in favor of letting Jesus handle everything, remains to be seen.

The strongest impact the program had on me personally was the drinking game I concocted over the three hour extravaganza. Every time someone said "my friends," "remarkable" or "fascinating" I took a drink. Needless to say I was quite plastered by the end of the evening. And might I recommend drinking Absinthe during this type of mental ping pong - it really illuminates the ridiculousness of the whole process like nothing else.

It's On....

I guess it's because he's that freaking good - spiritually and politically - that he would agree to answer questions about his personal life and belief in God from one of the high kings of Christian goonery, Rick Warren.

Obama will not only make John McCain look like the cantankerous old fart that he truly is, he also just might sway the goon vote fully in the Democratic direction. Bring it!


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/08/15/rick-warrens-forum-to-go_n_119248.html

Breaking News – Clay Aiken Gives Birth to John Edward’s Love Child

Why is the news media so fixated on John Edwards and his alleged marital affair? Sure, it comes off as pretty lame that while his wife is battling cancer he’s off screwing some campaign aide that he met in a bar. But really, why should anyone give a shit about any of this very personal business?

CNN ran a “breaking news” story about the whole thing. Breaking news? Are you fucking kidding me? To quote Anderson Cooper, “There’s a war on. There’s a war on. There’s a war on!”

I’ve tried to ignore the articles that have been popping up throughout the blogosphere over the last couple of days. Then tonight I happened to tune into Larry King Live and there’s Wolf Blitzer drooling into his beard trying to get information out of Edward’s spokesperson about the affair.

Blitzer looked like a gossiping fishwife of the Gladys Kravitz variety. One could only speculate what was going on below the waist. My tolerance level peaked after about five minutes of this drivel and then I completely lost it.

And now even the Huffington Post has gone totally off the rails with the largest most absurd headline yet: “Anatomy of the Edwards Affair.”

I believe I’m long over due for a lengthy vacation from all things media. Somebody get me a beer and a shot gun.

We'll Always Have Paris....

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Tao Te Bin

For those of you who have wondered about Otis - here is the abridged version of the Tao Te Bin.

The Otis that can be described
Is not the eternal Otis.
Otis that can be named
This is not the eternal name.

The Otis is the eternally real.
Naming it is the origin
Of all particular drunks.

Free from sobriety, you realize the mystery.
Caught in sobriety, you only see the manifestations.

Yet drunkenness and manifestations
Arise from the same source.
This source is Otis.

Otis within Otis.
The gateway to all understanding.

When people see some things as fucked up,
Fucked up things become cool.
When people only see some things when drunk,
Other things look hung over and hazy.

Drunk and sober create each other.
Employed and unemployed support each other.
Excellent and bogus define each other.
Assholes and non-assholes depend on each other.
Cheap liquor and vomiting follow each other.

Therefore, Binner is drunk without taking a sip,
And teaches without saying a word.

Things arise and he lets them come;
Things disappear and he lets them go.
He has but does not possess,
Acts but does not expect,
Drinks, but does not hurl.
When the party is over, he forgets it.
That is why it lasts forever.

If you over esteem beautiful people,
Others become ugly.
If you Bogart your booze and smokes,
People begin to steal.

Binner leads by emptying peoples’ glasses
And filing their cores.
He helps everyone to party on,
And they abandon worry and ambition.
This creates confusion on those who think
They know Otis.

Practice getting lit
And everything will fall into place.

Otis is like an infinite keg –
Tapped, but never tapped out.
It is like the sky –
Empty, yet filled with infinite possibilities.

It can be sober
But always present.

I don’t know who gave birth to it,
It was probably Binner.

The Tao doesn’t take sides,
It gives birth to good and evil.

Binner doesn’t take sides,
He welcomes assholes and non-assholes.

The more you use Otis
The more it produces.

The more you speak of it
The less you understand.

Hold onto a blade of grass.

Otis is always present within you.
You can use it any way you want.

Otis is infinite and eternal.
Why is it eternal?
Because it is.

Why is it infinite?
It has no buzz for itself –
Thus, it brings enough for everyone.

So it is like Binner –
Present for all beings who party.

Binner is the master because he stays behind.
That is why he is ahead.
He drinks all drinks –
That is why he is one with them.
Because he has completely let himself go,
He is perfectly fulfilled.

When you are content to simply drink and be yourself,
And you don’t mouth or show off
Everyone will respect you.

Drink your drink,
Smoke your weed,
Then put on some tunes.

The only path to serenity.

Binner observes the world
And often falls off the side,
But he trusts his inner vision.
He allows things to come and go.
His heart is as open as a punch bowl.

Binner is profound and subtle.
His wisdom is unfathomable.
There is no way to describe him,
All we can describe is his appearance.

He is short.
He is drunk.
He is clear as vodka.
He is tranquil.
He is Binner.
This is Otis.

Do you have the patience to wait
Until the Old Crow nests in your mind?

The master doesn’t seek drunkenness.
By not seeking or expecting
He is present and can welcome all things.

All drunks in the universe
Return to the common source.
Returning to the source is Ovalon.

If you don’t realize the source,
You stumble in confusion, not drunkenness.
When you realize you are lit,
You naturally build up a tolerance,
Become amused, compassionate as a bartender –
Wise as a sage, dignified as a king.
Immersed in the wonder of Otis,
You become like Binner.

When Binner parties
The people are hardly aware he exists.
That is why Binner is the master.
Next best to the master
Is a drunk who is funny.
Next – one who is clever.
The worst is one who is an asshole.
This is not like Binner.

The master doesn’t talk
He builds a fire.
The guests of the party enjoy.
When the party is over, the host says,
“My party was amazing! I threw it all by myself!”

Stop thinking and planning!
What difference between yes and no?
What difference between drunk and just buzzed?
Throw away bullshit and build a fire.
This is keeping with the Bin Wei.

Must you value what the herd values?
Avoid what the herd avoids?

How ridiculous!

The herd is excited as if at the mall.
The master does not care.
He alone is expressionless,
Like a minor in the package store before they are legal.

The master keeps his mind always at one with the O.
This is why he is like the Tao.
This gives Binner radiance.

How can the master be at one with it?
Because he doesn’t cling to ideas.

Otis is dark and unfathomable –
How can it make him radiant?

Because he lights a fire with it.

Binner is born of Otis.
Otis is born of Binner.
Both are born of the Tao.

Tastes great – less filling,
Which is more important?

Bowl or papers –
Which is more valuable.

Drunk or sober –
Which is more destructive?

Be content with your own party, your own scene.
Rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
The whole world belongs to you.

True words aren’t eloquent;
Eloquent words aren’t true.
Good wines are not expensive,
Expensive wines are not always good.

Wise men do not need to prove their point;
Men who need to prove their point are wise asses.

The master knows the more he does for others,
The happier he is.
The more he drinks with others,
The drunker he gets.

The Tao nourishes by not forcing.
By not dominating, the master leads.