File this under, "You've Got to Be Fucking Kidding Me"

New York Post. I always knew they were a little off, but come on people! This is just beyond any weak excuse for satire, humor or a sign of the times. It's downright racist and at this juncture in our collective experience completely unacceptable. Nice touch having two white cops. Really adds to the message.

Take two...

Apparently, Justice John "Doofus" Roberts really screwed up Obama's oath of office pledge. You know, the one watched by 5 billion people around the world. So in an effort to quash the conspiracy theorists and all manner of right wing goon-speak, President Obama took the oath again yesterday. Just so we're clear - he really is the president - the powers of the Illuminati are not at work. Move along, people. Nothing more to see here.

1.20.09

Damn!

I'd say he's the hottest president thus far. Wouldn't you?

Oh yes we did.....

As the dust begins to settle and the gravity of what happened on November 4^th has finally set in I am left with an overwhelming sense of optimism, elation and most of all, relief. For the first time in my twenty year voting history I’ve cast a vote not only for a winner, but for someone for whom I have the greatest respect and admiration. This time around it wasn’t merely a choice between the lesser of two evils – as it was for my only other winning vote which was cast for Bill Clinton in 1992. This time my vote was more of a confident defiance against what the media has been force feeding me for well over a decade: the notion that we are somehow this ignorant, hollow-values based society who takes comfort in choosing incompetent leaders because somehow they are more like “us” and that a warped interpretation of the teachings of Jesus Christ has to be the defining factor in every decision made by our leaders. As President-Elect Obama exclaimed on more than one occasion, “Enough!”

I admit, watching the results come in Tuesday night I was apprehensive about an Obama victory. Not because I thought that he wasn’t the better candidate, or that he wouldn’t garner the most votes. No, the number one reason had to do with my cynical side which has been reinforced too many times with devastating disappointments. I felt certain the Republicans would cheat their way into another victory. Even when the final tally was called, fittingly enough by Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, I thought they were joking. It wasn’t until the next day, watching Obama address the massive crowd in Grant Park on C-SPAN, that I was hit with the awesome magnitude of the moment. America got it right. Finally. The deep pride I felt cannot be compared to anything I’ve ever experienced. Infinitely bigger than Springsteen, Elvis or the Red Sox win in 2004.

As the final chapter of this nightmare that has been the Bush administration finally comes to a close, and all we now must endure is a weak epilogue, I can at last reflect with as sense of assured satisfaction on all the stress-inducing, throw things at the TV moments that have taken up far too much space in my life throughout this campaign. Good bye and good riddance to:

• Joe the Plumber
• Sarah Palin and her entire family
• Reverend Jeremiah Wright
• Bill Ayres
• John McCain’s evil twin (the one who took over these last several months on the campaign trail)
• Are we ready for a black president?
• The Bradley Effect
• You betcha (wink) again, also too…
• Secret Muslim
• Hank Williams, Jr.

Perhaps this vote proves once and for all that America is essentially a liberal thinking country. That her people may have diverse backgrounds and beliefs, but in the end reason trumps ideology. It’s been a long time coming, and it took a Hell of a lot of screw ups to finally stir the sleeping giant from its dream of petty consumerism and “I, me, mine” world view. Who knows what lies ahead? Obama has his work cut out for him, and I’m sure there will be mistakes along the way. But as far as I’m concerned, if Obama can’t fix us, no one can.

Oui On Peut!!!!

How's that crow tastin?

Why is it that when times get really bad it's ALWAYS a democratic plan that manages to set us right again. And despite that glaring fact, the republicans never concede that their economic philosophy just plain doesn't work for the common good. Now, with their backs to the wall and ten seconds left in the game, Bush and co. decide to let the government take partial ownership of the major American banks, not to take over the free market, mind you, but to preserve it. You can wrap it in whatever dubious language that makes you the most comfortable, Mr. Bush. The fact of the matter is that when it comes down to brass tacks, the "free market" isn't fit to regulate a lemonade stand. All props and respect to FDR. The above photo, by the way, is of the first Roosevelt bank opened in March 1933.

I think I'm gonna be sick....

Today I read something on the Huffington Post that so sickened me that I’m starting to believe that a health mishap to either McCain or Palin wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Apparently, these two jokers have their base so riled up that shouts of “kill him” and “terrorist” can be heard when Obama’s name is invoked. I imagine my feelings at the moment aren’t all that different from rational people’s feelings as recent as the mid-sixties when blatant, violent, in-your-face racism ruled the day for way too much of the American landscape. It’s more than an outrage. It’s the basis for a cultural revolution.

I’ve always been a little taken aback when it comes to Republicans. They are, for all intents and purposes, the epitome of low information voters. They have nothing to argue because they don’t even understand the argument. I can admire someone like William F. Buckley, Jr., who actually had the intellectual capacity and, yes I dare say it, the breeding, to rationally debate his ultra conservative views. The hacks who now are in charge of the conservative agenda are a disgraceful motley crew of angry, bigoted opportunists who aren’t fit to work in the Buckley stables, let alone as his surrogates in the post neo-con vortex that we find ourselves in today.

When John McCain clinched the republican nomination I thought to myself, well, at least he’s only half crazy. All the things I’d heard about him (admittedly, I am not a follower of McCain and never really gave him much thought) pointed to a guy who seemed rational, someone who could be trusted. The media loved him. He promised to run his campaign with dignity and focus on the issues. There would be no mud slinging. I was excited for the first time to be a part of a presidential campaign unlike any other, consisting of two candidates with stark differences who could articulate them to the American people. They wanted us to be informed. Granted, all political campaigns have a degree of attack ads and smears. It’s part of the territory and we all expect some level of it. But today it has crossed the line into violence inciting inflammatory rhetoric that must not be tolerated under any circumstance. Instead of McCain distancing himself from these morons, who unfortunately make up a large part of his base, he encourages them. When one of these sons of the south called for Obama to be killed during a McCain rally hosted by Sarah Palin, she didn’t even flinch. Holy shit.

Tonight’s debate is scheduled to take place in Nashville, in a town hall type setting with the audience asking the questions. The situation could not be more favorable to McCain, as he’s been harping about doing one of these with Obama since the beginning. I have no doubt that Obama will do brilliantly. However, it is my sincere hope that a member of this audience has the balls to ask Senator McCain why he insists on comparing Obama to a terrorist and how he can ignore calls for Obama’s lynching at his rallies while simultaneously calling himself a patriotic American.

Thank you Bob Cesca.....

Can we get a little sanity here?

The cable news Hurricane Gustav spectacle this weekend was bested only by the utter lunacy of the Republican National Convention screeching to a halt because New Orleans might possibly – oh you never can tell – better call in the guard – experience another hurricane.

Everyone was salivating at the prospect of a direct hit on my second favorite city. News crews - local and national – were constantly checking in with low level reporting jack-offs standing in the pouring rain and intense wind eager to show the eyes of the world that yes, they will do just about anything to get on camera. Even the Cooper Scooper had on his traditional, “I’m a serious field reporter” black tee-shirt. Will the levees hold? What about the 10,000 who refused to leave? Look, if those levees can’t withstand a category one hurricane then we might as well throw up our hands in disgust and pack it all in because that would be proof positive that we are a nation of fucktards.

I’m sure you don’t need to be reminded just what exactly Dubya and McCain were doing during Hurricane Katrina, but here’s a visual to jar your memory:

The solemn convention was yet another opportunity for Republicans to flash their vaudeville credentials. I especially liked Laura Bush’s remark about the Gulf Coast governors, “They’re all strong leaders – and they were planning to be here with us today – and they all happen to be republicans.” No shit. Were they expecting any democratic governors to attend?

Look here as our First Lady and her ecto-skeletal potential successor give a weather update and ask people to donate money as if the convention were the Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon:

Finally, here’s a little dose of sanity:

My friends, it was neither remarkable nor fascinating...

Last night's "conversation" between the presidential candidates and the high king of Christian goonery was pretty banal as far as I'm concerned. No big surprises or revelations. McCain was tolerable and Obama once again proved that he is a thinking man and was very frank about his religion and his views on the hot button issues like marriage and abortion. Whether or not the fact that Obama actually uses his gift of cognitive thought to make important decisions was a selling point among a group, who all too frequently suspends rational discourse in favor of letting Jesus handle everything, remains to be seen.

The strongest impact the program had on me personally was the drinking game I concocted over the three hour extravaganza. Every time someone said "my friends," "remarkable" or "fascinating" I took a drink. Needless to say I was quite plastered by the end of the evening. And might I recommend drinking Absinthe during this type of mental ping pong - it really illuminates the ridiculousness of the whole process like nothing else.

It's On....

I guess it's because he's that freaking good - spiritually and politically - that he would agree to answer questions about his personal life and belief in God from one of the high kings of Christian goonery, Rick Warren.

Obama will not only make John McCain look like the cantankerous old fart that he truly is, he also just might sway the goon vote fully in the Democratic direction. Bring it!


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/08/15/rick-warrens-forum-to-go_n_119248.html

Heiliger Strohsack!

Obama gives one of the best speeches ever! God, this guy makes me proud to be an American! You owe it to yourself to watch this one.

www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/07/24/obama-in-berlin-video-of_n_114771.html

You know….Morons!

The cable news channels and American news media in general have completely gone off the rails this week with yet more asinine hyperbole from the political “race” to the White House. I honestly don’t know why I keep tuning in. I guess you could say it’s like crack to this journalism school drop out. I’d like to be able to state with unwavering confidence that my addiction to sensationalized headlines and political games has reached its zenith and will now begin the long slow descent to the bottom of priorities in my mind numbingly boring life. But alas, I am an addict and all addicts lie. Maybe I should just stop pretending and willingly offer my body and soul to the television news gods/pushers who offer no explanations, accountability or apology. Kind of like my father – but that’s a whole other issue that need not be hashed in this forum.

The first tantalizing tid bit to come over the airwaves was John McCain’s absurd assertion that a “spokesperson” for Hamas has indicated to the McCain campaign that the much feared (though democratically elected political party in Palestine) wants Barack Obama to win the presidency and that he himself would be “Hamas’ worst nightmare.” Two things pissed me off about this ridiculous statement. First, no one disputes that Hamas is a terrorist organization and that Barack Obama regards it as such. The mere suggestion that somehow a vote for Obama brings all mighty America one step closer to defeat by radical Islamists plays directly into the biggest fears of the dimwitted, bible thumping non-thinking sector of the population, which I grant you, is huge. But the second, more infuriating point that had me throwing cat toys at the TV was that not one journalist or pundit actually had the cahones to ask the Maverick why his campaign was getting PR statements from Hamas. Does this so-called spokesman (I highly doubt they’d employ a woman being a radical Islamic organization) have the McCain campaign headquarters on speed dial? Do they exchange emails frequently? Inquiring minds want to know! And now, to add insult to injury, Connecticut’s own traitor, Joe “Fuck You Democrats” Lieberman, has gone on CNN reasserting the Hamas for Obama claim. I realize he’s no different than any other self serving blow hard politician but I always figured him for having more brains than this.

Speaking of brains, and a disappointing example of their temporary absence, I give you the week’s number two campaign / news media fuck up. Hillary Clinton and her famous hard working white uneducated Americans comment. All of this apparently justified as something that came out of the Associated Press. This kind of desperation is breaking my heart! To imply that she’s got this very special and apparently vast swath of the white vote completely sewn up takes the conversation to an all new low not visited since the Geraldine Ferraro gab fest last March. Sadly, the apprehension in Hillary’s voice comes through crystal clear in the now famous audio that has made the rounds of all the networks and Sunday talking head shows. She knew exactly what she was saying, how she was saying it and what the fallout for Obama would be. And the hesitation between her words also indicates that she’s fully aware and knows bullshit when she’s spewing it. I wonder whose brilliant idea it was for her to make such a stupid statement? Was it Bill and his mastery of word usage? (Remember how he could dispute the meaning of the word “the”?) What about that total tool Terry McAuliffe? I don’t know, but I do care. If by a snowball’s chance in Hell she is the Democratic nominee I’ll have to vote for her. I used to like her. She’s brilliant, dedicated and tough as nails. However, she’s also narcissistic, pandering and pig headed. I’d have qualms, big ones, about pulling that lever for another Clinton administration. On the other hand, the comedy would remain strong. By the way, one of today's AP headlines reads, "Clinton Outwardly Confident Even as Hopes Dim." I wonder if she'll be quoting that one.

All weekend long I’ve been reminded of that famous scene in Blazing Saddles where the Waco Kid explains to the new Sheriff about the simple country folk he would now be charged to protect. "They're the salt of the earth. You know, morons."

Why Barack Obama Needs To Win the Presidency

Over the past several weeks the Democratic presidential nominating process has become a hodge-podge of bullshit political ploys and pundit sound bites that are serving no purpose other than to confuse the already stupefied American public and fill dead air time on the 24 hour news networks that can’t think of anything better to talk about than the “Ballot Bowl.” Even the comedy shows, whose job it is to present a satirical picture of the absurdity of the political process, seem to be running out of ideas (see the latest Hill-Shill on SNL over the past couple of weeks to get an idea of the vacuous quagmire the show has sunk into).

The ludicrous racially-tinged remarks of Geraldine Ferraro about Obama’s only making it this far because he is black (his brilliant mind, extraordinary speaking ability and the fact that he is indeed a Constitutional lawyer and Senator all taking a back seat to his “blackness”) send the same tired ignorant old-white-America pseudo-philosophical message that the country has tolerated, either secretly or openly, for decades. Maybe it’s because mine was the first generation in American history to actually be taught that we are all created equal, on no uncertain terms and with unequivocal certainty, that I find her comments both insulting and pitiable.

But worse than the comments is the ineffectiveness of the Clinton campaign to step up to the plate and let the American public know, once and for all, where she stands on the issue of so called campaign advisors sounding off their misinformed, asinine opinions in her name. It is indeed “regrettable” that Mrs. Clinton can’t seem to put two and two together and realize that she is alienating a huge portion of her potential electorate (i.e. Generation Xers and younger) with her calculating, middle of the road response to this type of foolishness.

Obama’s campaign hasn’t been totally innocent when it comes to smear either, although it is hardly in the same league as the Clinton kitchen sink machine. Samantha Power’s remarks about Hillary Clinton being a monster were not appropriate. We expect, and even sometimes find the humor in these types of remarks, coming from say someone like Matt Taibbi. But for an Obama advisor, and so called intellectual, to be speaking in such a childish manner is unacceptable. She should have known better, and I’m glad she’s no longer a voice for the campaign. The very last thing Barack Obama needs right now is to go negative. A huge part of his appeal is his optimism and the way he tries to stick to the issues without getting personal.

It must be difficult to be constantly under the scrutiny of a carnivorous press and an apathetic brain dead public. Both candidates are unbelievably resilient and tough. Both candidates are brilliant and qualified. And both candidates have what it takes to run the show. Would I want the press and my opponent to continually clamor for copies of my tax returns? No, and I wish Obama would cut it out. Who fucking cares what the Clinton’s tax returns say?

Perhaps the most absurd argument coming from the Clinton campaign is that because Obama hasn’t won the “big states” that he couldn’t possibly carry them in the general election. Please. Do you really think that New York or California is going to go for McCain in the general if Obama is the candidate? Never. And we all know that Texas will almost certainly go to McCain no matter who is on the Democratic ticket. That’s just the way things works. Everyone knows it, so stop trying to scare people into thinking that a vote for Obama is somehow a vote for McCain. The holes in your logic dwarf the Grand Canyon.

However, here is an argument that holds enough water to get us through the desert. Obama appeals not only to vast numbers of Democrats, but to Independents and some Republicans as well. My theory is that there are many Republicans in congress right now who would like nothing more than to stop goose-stepping the party line, but they need a face saving way to begin to think rationally again. A Clinton presidency will never, under any circumstances, convince these people to regain their sanity. On the contrary, it will only embolden them to become even more defiant in their legislation efforts and votes because of their seemingly never ending hatred for Mrs. Clinton and her sexually deviant husband.

The same goes for way too many regular Americans who have already decided that they will never vote for Clinton even if the Republican ticket were Hitler/Mussolini. It’s a completely irrational way to approach a presidential election, but we’re not dealing with a nation of rational thinking politically savvy citizens. We’re dealing with the American Idol set, the ones who care more about sex scandals and celebrity train wrecks than they do about the fate of the free world. Cicero said it best when he summed up why people make the decisions they do. “Men decide far more problems by hate, love, lust, rage, sorrow, joy, hope, fear, illusion or some other inward emotion, than by reality, authority, any legal standard, judicial precedent or statute.”

Barack Obama in the Whitehouse would be the best thing to happen to America since JFK took the oath of office. We need this. Desperately. I don’t want to have to move to Canada.

Hope, Fear and Just Plain Hysterical

Although this week has been crap for me in most areas of my boring ridiculous life, politically it couldn’t have been better, and well, since most of my free time is spent engrossed in the presidential game I guess you could compare it to discovering low-carb beer – not as tasty as you’d like, but still packs that same intoxicating wallop.

It all began on Monday. Word got out that Senator Obama would be speaking in Hartford at the last possible second for it to have been feasible for me to get there. It was a frantic drive from New Haven to Hartford at 3:00 in the afternoon, but I made it. Thankfully, my dear friend Jose was there to hold a place for me in line. Did I say line? I meant never ending mob snaking around triplicate over roughly three city blocks. There’s plenty of aerial photography to back this up. I think it was a completely unnecessary ploy to visually show the power of the Obama organizing machine. It was Beatle mania crazy, but we got in.

Up in the nosebleed section Jose and I discussed the finer points of Obama’s musical selections as we waited for a glimpse of the next president of the United States. Only Obama could pull off, “Shining Star” by Earth Wind and Fire. On anyone else, including Jesse Jackson, it would seem hokey and foolish. Same goes for Stevie Wonder’s “Signed, Sealed, Delivered” which also had folks tapping toes and bobbing heads.

Of course, we had to sit through tedious introductions by John Larson, Chris Murphy and Rosa DeLauro (though I really like her). Then the monotone of Carolyn Kennedy who I’m sure is a wonderful person but is a terrible public speaker. She introduced her favorite Senator, “Uncle Teddy” who took the podium and shouted in a very shaky voice all about why he’s for Obama. Ted Kennedy’s looking pretty old these days though he’s still passionate. But we didn’t come here to see these people. Frankly, the only Kennedy I've ever found to be remotely interesting was Bobby.

Finally, Barack takes the podium to stump hard for Connecticut. He was fantastic, even though I’d heard this stump speech many times before as I watch an unhealthy amount of CSPAN. This man is captivating. There is an aura, it’s not just talk. You feel something, something that you desperately want to believe. He’s either going to potentially be the greatest president we’ve ever had or is the number one con artist of all time. But the best part about the whole experience was the audience. All types of people, all races, religions, ages and status. The diversity of his following is encouraging. A fair mix of everyone – just like America.

Super-duper Tuesday was a feat in itself. Downpours, tornadoes, pundits – my head was spinning. The fact that Obama won Connecticut was not surprising to me, despite the Hartford Courant’s statement to the contrary. All these papers and pollsters need to take a step back and stop acting like gypsy fortune tellers and start focusing on the hard news.

I was a bit disappointed that Obama didn’t take the lead in delegates, though not really surprised. It’s still irritatingly close and we may even see a brokered convention, or so they keep saying. Of course, it all comes down to the super delegates who apparently get to choose the candidate they want regardless of how the people voted. Gotta love our “democracy.”

But all is not lost, as this delicious tid bit of information just came over the wires. Apparently, Joe “Fuck You Democrats” Lieberman has been stripped of his super delegate powers because of his endorsement for McCain. This decision falls under the Zell Miller Rule that became an issue in 2004 when loony Zell, then the democratic senator from Georgia, attacked John Kerry during his keynote speech at the Republican National Convention. Do you think Lieberman will now challenge Howard Dean to a duel?

The Kiss of Death

Senator Barack Obama triumphantly holds back tears at the prospect of this latest endorsement.

Props to Soul Brother Number One

I can’t say that I’m not absolutely thrilled with last night’s Iowa caucus. Barack Hussein Obama, the man, the myth, the legend, convinced an overwhelmingly white middle class corn-fed electorate to choose him over a ridiculously handsome white southern populist, and Bill Clinton’s wife. Don’t get me wrong – I like them all, and I mean all - even crazy Mike Gravel.

But the inconsolable ache in my heart that has not stopped throbbing since November 2, 2004 was finally given a brief, albeit Cognac induced, respite as I watched the coverage on MSNBC last night in almost disbelief. However, the real story here, the “nut graph” if you will, was the turnout. 22% of the caucus voters on the Democrat side were under 30. That’s huge, and it’s gotta be scaring the shit out of the Republicans. If we can only engage this demographic for the next 10 months, and if Obama doesn’t let loose some campaign ending barbaric yawp (I’m talking to you Deaniacs), then we might actually win this one fair and square. This kind of momentum can only grow. Of course, I’m sad to see Joe Biden and Chris Dodd throwing in the towel so early in the game, but I’ve already started forming my dream cabinet for Mr. Obama starting with Joe Biden as the Secretary of State and Chris Dodd in charge of Homeland Security (or at the very least being elected Senate Majority Leader. Harry Reid needs to take a long weekend in Vegas – preferably for the next 6 years).

Although Obama is shaping up to be our generation’s Bobby Kennedy, I can’t help but be apprehensive about falling completely head over heals for the guy. I’ve been burned so many times - Jesse Jackson in 88, Jerry Brown in 92, and of course, the dagger through the heart in the form of Dr. Howard Dean in 04- that I’m not sure I’m ready to handle another devastating breakup. But for now, I’m gonna eat this win like Altoids at a roadblock and say a little prayer that my heart doesn’t end up in the slammer, again.