An Open Letter to Richard Blumenthal

Photo Jessica Hill A/P

Dear Dick,

First, let me say that no one under 70 refers to them self as Dick. Throughout your illustrious career as the Attorney General of Connecticut you’ve always been called by your proper name, Richard. What gives? If you were trying to take yourself down several notches in hipness, then bravo, mission accomplished. But this letter isn’t about your recent choice of nickname, rather it is a plea for you to start your fucking campaign already!

Your opponent, the wrestling queen Linda McMahon, has done nothing but trash you in the media for over a year. She was trashing you before you even announced your bid for the Senate. True, there are many Republicans who have pledged to vote for you.  However, that really isn’t an excuse to phone it in campaign wise.

Every time I see a “Linda” lawn sign, or receive yet another of her asinine mailers or view one of the 50-a-freaking-day television commercials I get a little sick inside. It is a constant reminder of your lack of presence in this election. Where is Richard Blumenthal? I know you will kill her in the debate. That’s a given. But debates don’t win elections (see any Bush/Gore or Bush/Kerry debate for reference if you can stomach to watch). The voting population is pretty dim and apparently easily swayed by the constant gnat in their face that is the Linda McMahon money force. Get in there with a fly swatter!

You have a record that can prove you are the right person for this job. In case anyone was wondering, click here to see some pretty impressive accomplishments as Attorney General. Put that message out there. Take the biggest ones, like Broadwater, Consumer Protection, Education – and RUN WITH THEM!

Did you know that McMahon even bought the search engines? When you type in “Richard Blumenthal accomplishments” into Google or Ask.com do you know the first thing that comes up? Linda2010.com! Jesus H. Christ, can you get your people on this one at least? You’d be amazed at how lazy and gullible people are when it comes to the Internet. They click on the first reference that pops up.

Your race with McMahon should be a cake walk. Not only does she promote misogyny and steroid use  but she has no problem promoting necrophilia as  “fun” family entertainment! Furthermore, she has no clue what the minimum wage is, nor does she care!

She’s nothing more than an opportunist whose only goal is to influence federal tax laws in favor of the filthy rich in this country. Period. She’s the modern day equivalent of Lovie Howell. Don't make the same mistake Martha Coakley made in Massachusetts. Now they have a Republican centerfold as their Senator!

In case you need some ammo, view this gem from the WWE and then reflect on how utterly tacky and demeaning it will be to see Connecticut become the Florida of the north!

Governor Rell 2 for 2...

As if 24 hour bar service at the casinos wasn't cause enough to wonder about the future reputation of Connecticut, I give you the latest installment on how to officially turn the Nutmeg state into the white trash capital of America. Governor Rell is in negotiations to bring the Jerry Springer Show to lovely Stamford.

Jerry Springer Show to Leave Chicago for Connecticut

For decades, Connecticut has made a concerted effort to put on a face of snobbery and wealth. We are invariably associated with the likes of Martha Stewart, Katherine Hepburn, Fairfield County, country clubs and upper class Yankees who make at least seven figures and pay the highest taxes in the country because they can.

Of course all of this is a crock of shit. It's true, we've got ample pockets and hamlets where reside some of the wealthiest go-getters and even older money, but we've also got the poorest capital city in America, a swelling budget deficit, and yes, a disturbing number of trailer parks.

However, as a native nutmegger I take offense at this latest sweetheart deal offered to NBC Universal. Why must Connecticut become an active contributor to the trashification of America? It's bad enough we all must struggle just to maintain residence here, but to once and for all lose our perceived status as having a modicum of class is too harsh a blow in these desperate times.

Governor Rell you must reconsider. I implore you. Don't turn Connecticut into the Florida of the north!

When all else fails...get drunk you losers!

Our illustrious Governor in her infinite wisdom about how to fix the budget woes of this pathetic state has come up with this brilliant gem of enlightenment.

Rell Proposes 24-Hour Bar Service At State's Casinos


Gambling revenues have kind of tanked ever since huge swaths of betting slobs residing in the Nutmeg State decided that it might be a good idea to pay the electric bill rather than blow their weeks' pay at Mohegan Sun.

It's bad enough that Chief Fist Full of Cash and the gang get to operate two of the largest casinos in the world, despite the fact that it is illegal to operate a casino in the state of Connecticut. Now they want to give the finger to the local bars who are obliged to obey the arcane liquor laws and close up shop by 2:00 a.m.

And as an aside, Connecticut has more than its fair share of drunken assholes speeding around it's dark back roads in the wee hours. The last thing we need is an unlimited supply of cheap well drinks in a phony atmosphere that pumps pure oxygen through every vent to keep these Otises alert only long enough to get them out the door and staggering into their cars where the full force of reality smacks them in the head.

I will bet my last Wampambuck that the "Indians" are griping because their profit margins are heading downward as more people see the reason in holding onto their cash rather than essentially flushing it down the toilet. I wonder if Governor Rell's bright idea has anything to do with the fact that the Attorney General's office just went on record denouncing any plans for the "reservations" to be expanded beyond their set parameters.

Bomb...It's What's For Dinner

One might expect these kind of shenanigans from a more Southern or mid-western class of people, but once again, Connecticut proves it's just as back-assward as any other chicken terrorist breeding state in the nation. Bravo!

Conn. police find pipe bomb stuffed inside chicken

By Associated Press

3:35 PM EDT, June 10, 2008

SIMSBURY, Conn. - Authorities in Connecticut are wondering who stuffed a raw roasting chicken with a pipe bomb and left it on a roadside.

Simsbury police Capt. Matthew Catania says a motorist noticed the chicken Friday morning. He says the bomb was large enough to harm a person if it went off.

The road was closed while the Hartford Police Department's bomb squad came and blew up the chicken.

Nobody was injured. No arrests had been made Monday night.

Netural Friday....

What a week. Wow. Extreme highs and new and inconceivable lows. I keep asking myself if there will ever be a time when we can all, as Americans, collectively say that things are just fine. Sometimes we get signs. Obama’s presumptive win of the Democratic nominee for president was a glimmer of hope. Watching him and Michelle take the stage in Minnesota was an image for the history books, folks. They are one of those couples that for some strange and unexplainable reason you feel like you know. Maybe it’s a generational thing. Maybe they have perceived qualities that you see in yourself – or would like to. You sense a familiarity, a vibe that theirs is a team effort, and like most American marriages today, it’s a 50/50 proposition. Intellectual equals on the same page. And the fist bump was priceless! She looked stunning, by the way, and his speech was chock full of gems like this:

“Thousands of miles have been traveled. Millions of voices have been heard. And because of what you said — because you decided that change must come to Washington; because you believed that this year must be different than all the rest; because you chose to listen not to your doubts or your fears but to your greatest hopes and highest aspirations, tonight we mark the end of one historic journey with the beginning of another — a journey that will bring a new and better day to America.”

It gave me goose bumps. One could see that he was visibly moved knowing that millions are counting on him to right an awful lot of wrongs. It was a Camelot moment if ever there was one.

So at least the week got off to a positive start. The spouse and I had just returned from a trip to Virginia to visit relatives and hang around on the Mall in DC. I got to stand at the Lincoln Memorial, something I’ve wanted to do for many years, taking in all the freedom and democracy my little heart could stand – Dr. King, civil rights, the war protests, the milestones in 20^th century American history that have used the memorial as the backdrop for visual messages that strike at the heart of what is good and right in this country. We also went to the Capitol, which also filled me with a deep sense of American pride. Although it was the week of eighth grade Hell, and it seemed as if every middle school graduating class in the country had converged on the Capitol in one obnoxious, girl shrieking, sweaty running boy sea of color-coded tee-shirts, cell phones and camera poses. There wasn’t a ticket to be had. My sojourn into the Rotunda will have to wait until January when Obama is inaugurated.

Meanwhile, Hartford CT had a week of unprecedented violence and bullshit. An elderly man was run over on Park Street by some speeding jackass in hot pursuit of another speeding jackass. Most disturbing was the fact that no one stopped to help this man – not even passing cars! The video footage shows several cars slowing down, taking a grizzly look, and moving on. Moving on! Leaving his body just lying there, in the street, vulnerable to being hit yet again. He is now paralyzed from the neck down. What a way to live out your golden years. Almost simultaneously, a famous former Hartford city official member and activist, 71-year-old Nicholas Carbone, was mugged at 9:00 in the morning by three men and kicked in the face so hard that he will require brain surgery. This done to a man who dedicated his life to making Hartford a decent place to live. Conveniently, there were no witnesses. The illustrious mayor, Eddie Perez, could only comment that crime in the city is actually down. I feel so much better now! Honestly, what the fuck is happening to people? Have we all gone completely crazy?

I guess you could say that locally it just wasn’t our week. Even Joe “Fuck You Democrats” Lieberman has supposedly started a grass roots organization called, “Citizens for McCain” which in fact isn’t even an organization at all - it’s nothing more than a way for the McCain campaign to get the names and emails of potential financial supporters. Way to go, Joe! Thank god you’re no longer a super-delegate.

Usually I like to end my weeks with a “Happy Friday,” but today it’s just Neutral Friday.