Web Dunce

Year End Wrap Up

2010-12-01T12:15:00.000-05:00

I realize it's early for my annual rambling list, but as I've not had the inspiration to write much of anything on this blog for quite some time, I figure I'll at least bring a dry smile to my faithful readers who check back from time to time only to see the same stagnant post unchanged since their last visit. My apologies to you all. If anything ridiculous should happen between now and New Year's Eve I will be sure to ammend this list. For now, here it is....

Top 10 Things We Could Have Done Without

1. BP Gulf Oil Spill
2. Citizens United
3. The "Ground Zero Mosque" protesters
4. Wiki Leaks
5. The TSA Airport Grope Fest
6. Linda McMahon, Sharon Angle and Christine O'Donnell
7. The KFC Double Down
8. Senator Scott Brown
9. Reverend Terry Jones (no, not the one from Monty Python)
10. Mid-term elections

Top 5 Things I Learned This Year

1. Just becasue you're older doesn't necessarily mean you are wiser.
2. Twitter is stupid.
3. There is no greater sense of accomplishment than growning your own food.
4. Ratatoulle is divine.
5. Most people can't spell or use punctuation correctly as is painfully evident during a cursory perusal of your friends' Facebook statuses.

Music Pics (Not much in the way of new music this year for me. I've been listening to lots of old Police, Paul Simon, the usual jazz and lots of world beat - especially from Latin countries and the Middle East.)

Once Again - John Legend
Los Patricos - The Chieftans with Ry Cooder
Mejor Mariachi del Mundo

Books

1. Maskerade - Terry Pratchett
2. Wyrd Sisters - Terry Pratchett
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4. Wide Sargasso Sea - Jean Rhys
5. Raising Chickens for Dummies - Kimberly Willis and Rob Ludlow
6. In Defense of Food - Michael Pollan
7. Eating Animals - Jonathan Safran Foer
8. It's Not News, It's Fark - Drew Curtis
9. Complete Short Novels of John Steinbeck
10. Dramatis Personae - William Butler Yeats
11. Come On In (New Poems) - Charles Bukowski

Sanity Restored

2010-11-01T14:06:00.002-04:00

I don’t like crowds. In fact, I have a tendency to panic when a person violates my imaginary three foot perimeter of personal space. Yet I felt compelled to trek to our nation’s capitol at the clarion call of my two media heroes to prove that there are indeed a multitude of Americans who not only hold very clear views of the direction the country needs to take, but also feel that their views can be expressed without the vitriolic hatred spewing from the perpetually inflated vision of the 24/7 cable news and talk radio juggernaut.

Admittedly, when I first heard about the rally I thought it was a joke, but I booked a room and flight just in case, figuring that at the very least, I’d get a nice weekend in DC to do some sightseeing. I guestimated that 25,000 - tops - would make the journey. Never could I have imagined the size of the crowd that converged on the Mall on Saturday.

Ativan at the ready, I set out. Tens of thousands lined the streets moving in the same forward direction – a giant mass of politeness and humor. It reminded me of NYC in 2003 when an equally large crowd demonstrated against the impeding Iraq war. However, this convergence was more esoteric. Some questioned if there was any cause at all. Clearly, comedy and common sense were enough of a draw.

The excitement was palpable. Everyone there was making their own individual statement in the collective mass. No one had a clue what the day would bring, who would be speaking – other than Stewart and Colbert – or how “political” the thing would turn out to be. But this gathering wasn’t about politics or choosing a side. It was about unity as Americans. Loving our country and acknowledging just how lucky we really are. If anything, it was a reckoning of the American spirit. Jon Stewart summed it perfectly:

“This was not a rally to ridicule people of faith, or people of activism, or look down our noses at the heartland, or passionate argument, or to suggest that times are not difficult and that we have nothing to fear--they are, and we do. But we live now in hard times, not end times.”

Of course, the performances themselves were pure gold. Leave it to Stewart and Colbert to pit Cat Stevens against Ozzy Osbourne dueling over which train to take (Peace or Crazy) – only to have the O'Jays settle the dispute by having everyone get on board the Love Train!

It was also wonderful to see my favorite, Jeff Tweedy of Wilco, performing with Mavis Staples of the world-famous Staples Singers. And did I mention Tony Bennett? What a treat! Others included Sam Waterston of Law and Order reading a “poem” written by Colbert, John Legend and the Roots as the house band, Kid Rock with Sheryl Crow, the Myth Busters guys doing experiments on the crowd, and of course the cast of the Daily Show. All of the comedic banter was spot on. It was a hodge-podge of entertainment – all of it world class.

Sunday morning Bill and I set out for the Metro to get our plane back to Connecticut. It was a beautiful day. We decided to hit the Five Guys Burgers and Fries for breakfast, because as we painfully learned the day before, it’s nearly impossible to get a decent breakfast – or any for that matter – in DC on weekends, and this would likely be our only opportunity to get a fresh cup of coffee before our boarding call. Walking past an assortment of homeless people bundled up in their comforter cocoons strewn about the Metro entrance - apparently even the bums sleep in on Sundays in this city - we went inside. I'm no fan of greasy fast food, and the Five Guys is the acme of unhealthy gut-busting "food." A true testament to mindless American excess. Yet as I was finishing the last dregs of my coffee the song, “Don’t Stop Thinking about Tomorrow” started playing rather loudly – as all music in that restaurant does – and I couldn’t help but note what a fitting end to our trip to DC. We do have problems in this country with no easy solutions, but we’ll figure them out. Because we're Americans. It's what we do. I believe my sanity has been restored.

Quote of the week....

2010-10-05T14:34:00.000-04:00

"As you well know, my jurisdiction is exclusively civil. The allegations against WWE seem to be criminal in nature." - spoken by Attorney General Richard Blumenthal as he politely handed Linda McMahon her ass during last night's debate.

An Open Letter to Richard Blumenthal

2010-10-01T14:00:00.002-04:00

Photo Jessica Hill A/P

Dear Dick,

First, let me say that no one under 70 refers to them self as Dick. Throughout your illustrious career as the Attorney General of Connecticut you’ve always been called by your proper name, Richard. What gives? If you were trying to take yourself down several notches in hipness, then bravo, mission accomplished. But this letter isn’t about your recent choice of nickname, rather it is a plea for you to start your fucking campaign already!

Your opponent, the wrestling queen Linda McMahon, has done nothing but trash you in the media for over a year. She was trashing you before you even announced your bid for the Senate. True, there are many Republicans who have pledged to vote for you. However, that really isn’t an excuse to phone it in campaign wise.

Every time I see a “Linda” lawn sign, or receive yet another of her asinine mailers or view one of the 50-a-freaking-day television commercials I get a little sick inside. It is a constant reminder of your lack of presence in this election. Where is Richard Blumenthal? I know you will kill her in the debate. That’s a given. But debates don’t win elections (see any Bush/Gore or Bush/Kerry debate for reference if you can stomach to watch). The voting population is pretty dim and apparently easily swayed by the constant gnat in their face that is the Linda McMahon money force. Get in there with a fly swatter!

You have a record that can prove you are the right person for this job. In case anyone was wondering, click here to see some pretty impressive accomplishments as Attorney General. Put that message out there. Take the biggest ones, like Broadwater, Consumer Protection, Education – and RUN WITH THEM!

Did you know that McMahon even bought the search engines? When you type in “Richard Blumenthal accomplishments” into Google or Ask.com do you know the first thing that comes up? Linda2010.com! Jesus H. Christ, can you get your people on this one at least? You’d be amazed at how lazy and gullible people are when it comes to the Internet. They click on the first reference that pops up.

Your race with McMahon should be a cake walk. Not only does she promote misogyny and steroid use but she has no problem promoting necrophilia as “fun” family entertainment! Furthermore, she has no clue what the minimum wage is, nor does she care!

She’s nothing more than an opportunist whose only goal is to influence federal tax laws in favor of the filthy rich in this country. Period. She’s the modern day equivalent of Lovie Howell. Don't make the same mistake Martha Coakley made in Massachusetts. Now they have a Republican centerfold as their Senator!

In case you need some ammo, view this gem from the WWE and then reflect on how utterly tacky and demeaning it will be to see Connecticut become the Florida of the north!

Brilliant!

2010-09-24T13:40:00.002-04:00

Of course I’m going….

2010-09-22T15:38:00.002-04:00

Not long after President Obama took office things in Washington began to devolve further and deeper into a wing nut hysteria that has managed to control the political narrative for almost two years. Enduring the likes of Sarah Palin, Glen Beck and the slew of disturbingly unqualified political candidates now enjoying and exploiting their status as “legitimate” in what can only be described as the Bizarro World is clearly effecting the masses. No amount of reason and logic seems to influence the mouth breathers in charge of the message. Lie after lie, tantrum after predictable tantrum, the so-called “right” in this country have managed to fuck things up so sublimely that they may actually see political gains in the house and senate come November.

Naturally, the media at its complacent best feels that its sole responsibility is to set up false equivalencies in order to perpetuate the illusion of balance. It’s a load of horseshit that the rest of the country is being force fed and it tastes nothing like pumpkin pie. Never in my life has there been so clear a picture of what is wrong and who is at fault. Yet the wing nuts continue to blabber about birth certificates, religion, abortion and Kenyan colonialism. Yes, they went there. The fact that none of these tea-party “patriots” can identify Kenya on a map is beside the point.

Watching it all happen in front of my eyes knowing that the only thing I can do is vote in a Connecticut election is of little solace. I gave the Coffee Party a try – enticed by all of their talk of unity and inclusion – but they turned out to be nothing more than a circular firing squad. The impotent rage I’ve felt these long months has had a detrimental effect on my quest for compassion and inner peace. What’s a rational human being to do in such a toxic climate? Is there no outlet?

Luckily, there will be one day when people like me (apparently 80% of Americans) can come together in celebration of reason and from what I hear, some pretty decent bars. Yes, I speak of the Rally to Restore Sanity on the Mall in Washington DC on October 30th. Leave it to the genius of the Stewart-Colbert planning committee who had the forethought to plan it for a Saturday (which I coincidentally have off from work) and the day before Halloween, so I’ll be home in time to see the nephews in all their glory. A win-win.

I’ll let the master explain:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

Rally to Restore Sanity

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show Full Episodes

Political Humor

Tea Party

Just when you thought you'd seen everything.....

2010-08-27T14:02:00.000-04:00

Mickey Rourke on a Dr. Pepper can.

Mission Accomplished?

2010-08-20T14:09:00.003-04:00

You probably haven’t noticed yet, but Operation Iraqi Freedom, you know, “the war,” came to an end on Wednesday when the 4th Stryker Brigade, 2nd Infantry Division, was officially designated the last combat brigade to leave Iraq. Granted, there will still be upwards of 50,000 of our men and women in uniform remaining for another year in a “non-combat” role, whatever that means,* but after seven plus years of unwarranted American ass-kicking in Babylon it’s kind of a slap in the face to our military who has sacrificed life and limb that this story hardly warranted a blip on the media radar screen. Sure, MSNBC covered it extensively. That’s about it. The Cooper Scooper gave it equal time with the “Ground Zero Mosque” non-story, and FauxNews gave it literally10 minutes of air time.

I figure it’s because all the bloviating, “America Fuck Yeah” testosterone-fueled war mongering that Republican jack offs and their wives/mistresses have been a-fearing us with since 9/11 has essentially ended because Obama kept yet another campaign promise to the American people. Are we suddenly safer? Does Iraq have a stable, democratically elected government and a security force in place to protect its citizens? No and no. Does it fucking matter to the interests of the United States? Hell no. It never did. We’ve wasted billions with a “b” and now we get to slink off in the night like a hotel guest who’s over stayed his welcome and must now make a hasty exit.

I find it laughable that the number one issue that brought the Democrats into power in 2006 – the Iraq war – has degenerated into such a “whatever” news story that most people don’t know about it or care to. There are plenty of cynics (myself included) who believe this withdrawal may have been timed just perfectly for the mid-term elections coming up in November. However, if no one gives a shit about it, how can it have the desired influence on voters?

With all the lazy journalism taking place today it’s no wonder. How easy is it to spout an opinion about the merits of building a mosque at Ground Zero? An unwinnable argument void of even the basest of facts. Here’s a flash, 1 – it’s not a mosque, it’s a community center with an area for worship. There will be no calls to prayer or any of that; 2 – it’s TWO BLOCKS AWAY from the supposed hallowed ground where the towers formerly stood, the same distance as two famous titty bars, on OTB and several tacky street merchants selling useless crap created in Chinese labor camps commemorating the 9/11 tragedy; 3 – it’s the builder’s Constitutional Right to build this center. Cue the resurgence of that ridiculous whisper campaign that Obama is Muslim. The White House had to actually issue a statement to placate these idiots whose ignorance is matched only by their hatred for the Commander in Chief. Because, you know, it’s news.

If only the collective intelligentsia in the news media (I realize this is a small club) would start a real conversation about what is happening in the country – deliberately excluding all the loud noises coming from the right - and actually inform the populace we might make some real progress in our quest to be the greatest nation on earth. As it stands, apparently we’re only number 11.

*Aren’t all soldiers armed and combat ready regardless of their status? Christ, kitchen workers carry assault rifles!

Eye Candy

2010-08-05T12:44:00.001-04:00

Everyone has their own opinion on who is the sexiest, best looking man of their dreams. Most of us will never even see men of this hotness in our real lives. I like to think that my taste in men is pretty mainstream with a few exceptions. Generally, I like dark haired, serious men. On the other hand, comedic types also get my attention. So without any further ado, here's my top ten all time hotties. Sit back and enjoy the show!

#10. Jack Kerouac - he didn't keep his looks for very long, but boy did he rock the sexy back in the 40s!

#9. Harry Connick, Jr. - he gets better and better with age.

#8. Jim Morrison - perhaps the sexiest rock star to ever grace us with his hotness! The original bad boy of rock and roll!

#7. Daniel Craig - I normally don't go for blonds, but holy Christ this man is nothing but fine! I can't look away from those piercing blue eyes. Neither can you.

#6. Bono - maybe it's an Irish thing. There's something about this man that makes me have inappropriate thoughts!

#5. Cary Grant - he's the archetype for the whole, "tall dark and handsome" thing! Makes me want to drink martinis and neck in the closet!

#4. Goran Vijniic - the only man who could have taken Clooney's place on ER.

#3. George Clooney - really the hottest of them all when you account for charm and all around coolness. The definite successor to Cary Grant in the movie star department!

#2. Antonio Sabato, Jr. - there really are no words.

#1. Stephen Colbert - yes, that's just how I roll. This man has a quality that transcends merely physical attributes, though he obviously has those in spades! It's the whole intelligence thing, I guess....

I Gotta Take a Leak or Screaming Into the Void

2010-07-31T13:35:00.000-04:00

Back in the olden days when I was a student of journalism, blogs were a little known oddity, You Tube didn’t exist and 2.0 meant nothing. The number one lesson hammered into us budding Murrows at every opportunity and in every class was to check your facts, then check them again. And whenever possible, name your source because articles that quoted, “unnamed government officials” or “sources say” were not credible. We were told time and again that the number one job of the journalist is to report the most accurate, hole-less news as possible. My, how things have changed.

Recently there has been much hemming and hawing over the 90,000 documents released by WikiLeaks. Included in this data dump is classified information pertaining to the war in Afghanistan. Apparently, WikiLeaks founder and part time comic book villain, Julian Assange, believes that it is his right to leak such information in an era of guerilla “journalism” where everything is fair game and if you get the documents, no matter how dubious the source, it is your right to publish them. The process has been coined Political Hacktivism which explains perfectly the situation we find ourselves in today. The content of the leaked documents, though disturbing, is not the real story here. The real story is that the media has collectively decided that what could very well constitute a treasonable offense against the United States government is somehow appropriate news. The fact that Mr. Assange has a distinct political agenda also appears not to matter. He isn’t a US citizen, but the idiot who sent him the information happens to be one of our boys in uniform. He has been captured, by the way. But what does this mean for the Americans at the New York Times, who willfully published classified materials? Should they be taken into custody as well?

Then we have the cabal of political pundits who dominate the cable news channels. Cable newsrooms have become nothing more than ghettos for greedy public relations hacks with clear agendas that do absolutely nothing to advance American discourse or at the very least inform the public – which in the end is really their fucking job! There can be only so much spin before it becomes an amusement park ride and the proprietors little more than carnival barkers. Case in point, the Shirley Sherrod debacle.

The depraved little right-wing turd/blogger known as Andrew Breitbart took it upon himself to edit a video to make this poor woman look and sound like every white low-information moron’s nightmare – a black racist! This horrific outrage, taken to its full and predictable conclusion by FOX news, achieved its desired effect. The NAACP and the Obama Administration both took the bait and promptly condemned this woman without even a cursory attempt at checking the facts.

And sadly, it’s not the first time this fuckwad Breitbart has duped the White House. Remember ACORN? It was his special brand of hack “journalism” that brought down a respectable organization whose mission was to help the poorest, and coincidentally brownest, of the poor. In the end, ACORN was somewhat vindicated – but only after it was completely destroyed with no hope of starting up again – thus leaving countless people without assistance where it’s needed most. Mission accomplished. To add insult to injury, Michael Steele (AKA Humpty) has invited Breitbart to speak at a republican fundraiser in August . This action lends credibility to Breitbart as if he were a real journalist and not just a blogging hack. He holds the football, the rest of the media collectively try to kick it. You know the rest.

It is on that note that I reluctantly dip my toe back into the cesspool that is the blogosphere.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-24T10:52:00.002-05:00

Go Hitch!

2009-12-15T11:08:00.006-05:00

I especially like the ending when Doucheborough wishes him happy holidays and he returns with Merry Christmas!

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Year End List 2009

2009-12-11T11:17:00.009-05:00

Top 10 things we could have done without:

1. Orly Taitz and the Birthers
2. Teabaggers and their stupid parties
3. The Balloon Boy saga
4. Lady Gaga
5. Kanye West
6. The Snugee
7. Glen Beck
8. Jersey Shore (the “reality” series)
9. Adam Lambert
10. Governor Jodi Rell

Top 5 things I learned this year

Greek yogurt rules! That’s it. I didn’t learn much of anything this year except maybe that when you think things can’t get any worse, they can. However, that’s not so much a lesson as it is a fact that I don’t like to ponder with too much vim.

Books:
Franklin’s Autobiography – Benjamin Franklin
The Major plays of Anton Checkov
Lake Wobegon, Summer 1959- Garrison Keillor
The Return to Depression Economics – Paul Krugman
Mine Enemy Grows Older – Alexander King
War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy
The Flash of Lightening Behind the Mountain (New Poems) – Charles Bukowski

Music:
Wilco the Album - Wilco
Sea Sew – Lisa Hannigan
No Line on the Horizon – U2
Draw the Line – David Gray
Electric Arguments – Paul McCartney

Laugh because it's funny....Cry because it's true!

2009-11-30T13:53:00.008-05:00

I live in the mental health capital of Connecticut! Look at all the choices I have for grief counseling. Note the "zero" offerings next to all the towns. And people wonder why I'm so fucked up and cynical?

We Need More of This Please......

2009-10-09T13:07:00.004-04:00

An Irish Funeral Prayer

2009-10-06T12:17:00.001-04:00

Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Everything remains as it was.
The old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no sorrow in your tone.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effort.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near, just around the corner.
All is well.
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting, when we meet again.

Musical Interlude....

2009-10-05T10:51:00.002-04:00

Hide and Seek

2009-10-02T16:13:00.009-04:00

At work today I watched a group of pre-schoolers playing hide and seek in the school yard. Their joy was beyond purity. There were other kids off doing their singular play-time things in the sand box, on the slide and in the play house. There was this one boy, the "it" kid who was running and laughing as he discovered his hiding little friends. Everybody got along. It was at that precise moment that I realized that nothing in life can compare to the security a much loved child feels. Nothing. Their world is solely that. Theirs. They should never know sadness or pain during that precious time when mommy and daddy can fix anything and worry only extends to finding a lost toy or putting a band aid on a boo-boo. Tears should always be easily dried and happy play resumed with that magic kiss that makes it all better.

I mention this today as I grapple with understanding my brother's brutal murder on September 8th. He had two sons - age 2 and 5 - who now have to deal with a loss that will change them forever. Their sense of safety, their understanding of how the world works - annihilated by a psycho's steel blade.

My brother was a big guy. Around 6'4" and 270 pounds. He was soft like a teddy bear. Every night, for the first five years of his life, his son was lulled to sleep as he lay on his father's massive warm chest listening to him breathe, safe in the knowledge that tomorrow would bring new adventures for him and his daddy.

My brother was a stay at home father and was with his boys through all of their child crises and joys. He was their teacher, playmate and best friend. Their biggest fan. In short, their world. Now their world is gone. How does anyone make sense of that?

It rears its head....

2009-07-07T14:11:00.007-04:00

Don't get your hopes up. I'm still on hiatus. However, I thought you might enjoy this little graphic courtesy of Crooks and Liars. I might have something relevant to say in a few more days. Or not.

*I know Hitchens is crazy, but anyone who has the balls to consistently appear on national television in a drunken stupor and still make sense is all right in my book!

Happy Friday

2009-05-29T09:34:00.002-04:00

Time Out

2009-05-28T13:10:00.013-04:00

Once again I’ve reached the boiling point with my tolerance for cable news chatter and must take a forced hiatus. Every now and then the bloviating insanity that passes itself off as legitimate news in this country manages to aggravate me to such an extent that it becomes detrimental to my physical health. All signs point to a complete meltdown. Resistance if futile.

There are many factors that pushed me to this decision. The big three are the racist/sexist (insert your “ist”of choice here) treatment of Sonia Sotomayor. Insults ranging from questioning her intellect to mocking Puerto Rican cuisine came shooting out of the large intestine of the GOP faster than a rotten plantain. Look, I don’t necessarily agree with her decision in the New Haven firefighter’s case. That doesn’t mean that she isn’t totally qualified to be on the SCOTUS.

Then there’s the whole Liz Cheney attack dog stance on what constitutes torture. Who the fuck is this woman and why is she getting any airtime? Water boarding is torture. Period. End of fucking discussion.

Now, apparently photos have surfaced showing a US soldier interrogating – no excuse me - RAPING a woman held in Abu Grahib. This is one of the two thousand photos that Obama rightfully decided not to release to the public a couple of weeks back. I guess the “I’m proud to be an American” feeling since January 20^th must now come to its natural, heartbreaking demise.

Finally, the Proposition 8 debacle in California has proven once again that the backward thinking religious goons and the socially ignorant in the country yell the loudest and therefore win. It’s hard to blame the judges in this case, since the state of California’s laws concerning its constitution are so fucked up that if the people declared that slavery should be legalized again, they could alter their constitution in a vote referendum and make it so. The court would have no choice but to hold up the voted conclusion as law. Granted, the decision would fast-track to the Supreme Court where it would be promptly overturned. But in the gay marriage case there is no guarantee that SCOTUS would rule in favor of what is decent and fair under the law. After all, it’s only liberally biased “activist” judges who legislate from the bench. The conservative block sitting there right now - with all the softness of a wheel of Parmigiano Reggiano - unfortunately has the weight of its numbers and therefore would more than likely legislate from the bench – though they don’t have the collective balls to call it that. Praise Jesus.

So, I’m turning off the TV and the blogosphere for a while. I need to focus on my tomato plants, drink good wine in the breeze of the coming summer evenings and contemplate the important things in life. Trust me; Chris Matthews isn’t one of them.

Jay Bennett - RIP

2009-05-27T11:37:00.010-04:00

I just read the unbelievable news that Jay Bennett, former guitar/keyboard player for my favorite band, Wilco, and all around awesome musician died in his sleep. Jay was the guy who pushed the band to the limit and subsequently produced the best Wilco music to date. He was innovative, creative and obnoxious all at the same time. A true artist, really. The official statement from Jeff Tweedy is as follows:

We are all deeply saddened by this tragedy. We will miss Jay as we remember him -- as a truly unique and gifted human being and one who made welcome and significant contributions to the band's songs and evolution. Our thoughts go out to his family and friends in this very difficult time.

Till Death Do Us Part...

2009-05-21T16:51:00.012-04:00

Here's an excerpt from a work in progress called, Wife.

Our wedding was not what you would call traditional. After seven years of monogamous fun, two of them co-habitating and officially “engaged,” I decided that enough was enough. Somehow the thought of continuing to live with a man whose only legitimate label in society was “boyfriend” really bothered me. First of all, he wasn’t a boy. Second, he was a Hell of a lot more than just a friend. The thought of employing the equally silly though perhaps more mature title of significant other was even less appealing.

“Yes, it’s wonderful to meet you Mayor Douchebag. This is my significant other, Bill.” Please. Significant other sounds like a nineteenth century euphemism for a menstrual cycle. “Lady Jane won’t be joining us this evening. Her significant other is visiting, poor dear.” Wink wink, nod nod.

It didn’t help that I was twenty-seven and in the beginning stages of suffering from the inevitable, Holy- Shit-I’m-Almost-Thirty-And-Still-Single syndrome. Although in my own defense, after seven years with Bill it was more like, “shit or get off the pot.” We were both way past ready to make that final commitment, and if one more idiot asked me, “so when’s the wedding?” there was a fairly good chance that I would have an assault charge on my permanent record.

When we decided to elope I recalled the beautiful garden we had visited in that loveliest of Southern cities, Charleston, South Carolina, during a college spring break many years earlier. You know, spring break. In March. So I had the brilliant idea of getting married in the fore mentioned garden. We knew it would be summer and having experienced what we believed to be sweltering heat in Connecticut, we figured we could take anything the south could throw at us. How hot could it be? We assured ourselves that it would be perfect. Just the two of us, the moonlight, and the magnolias – you couldn’t ask for more. The bonus: no family. Not that we don’t love our respective families both collectively and on a one-to-one whack job ratio - but the thought of all that kissing and hugging; all that forced formality that no one is comfortable with; all those distant relatives who only seem to materialize at the buffet tables of weddings and funerals - was more than either of us could bear. So in late spring I began planning our big day.

“If we do it on a Tuesday we’ll have the rest of the week as a honeymoon,” I pragmatically blared from the center of a sea of brochures on the living room rug.

“Okay,” bemoaned the complacent voice from the kitchen.

“Maybe we should hire a photographer or something. Don’t you want wedding pictures?”

“Okay.”

“There’s a really nice inn that we could stay at, but it’s pretty pricey.”

“Okay.”

And so it went on. Every suggestion got a resounding okay. Some women get angry when their fiancées don’t participate in the planning. I had complete free reign and loved it. I could have suggested a dude ranch or perhaps the circus and gotten the green light. All he had to do was show up in a well pressed suit. Not a bad deal considering the some of the bridezillas we’d known over the years. He dodged a bullet and he knew it. I was determined to make this as painless as possible for the both of us.

Charleston, South Carolina can get pretty balmy in late July. Let me rephrase that. The bowels of Hell would have been a welcome respite from the palmetto chirping, sweat drenched swamp that is Charleston in late July. However, the inn we stayed at was indeed lovely. An old antebellum mansion of the Rhett and Scarlet variety complete with a four post bed and afternoon aperitifs.

For the record, I can drink with the best of them. So when the predictable black chambermaid brought in both red and white wine with the bread and cheese platter I went all in. I felt great!

Later Bill and I went to dinner and then to a walk in humidor/bar where some of the most tremendous live jazz I’ve ever heard happened to be whaling in the corner. The leader was a lanky black kid, no older than sixteen or seventeen dressed in an oversized white tee shirt and baggy ripped jeans. It was a no frills kind of dive. But boy did he blow like Dizzy in the hey-day.

Naturally, several high balls were consumed over the course of the evening. I was still feeling great. We were getting married the next day at 5:00. Everything was moving according to plan. For the first time in weeks I could relax.

At the evening’s close we staggered through the oven-in-the-face heat back to our air conditioned room and decided not to have sex. We were both plastered and agreed that it would have been a shame to have sloppy drunk sex on such a magnificent bed.

The next morning, my wedding day, I was hit with the worst hangover in world history. Charles Bukowski couldn’t have experienced a worse one if he drank anti-freeze with Mad Dog chasers. When the maid brought in the breakfast platter of homemade breads, jams and wonderful southern delicacies that we Yankees have yet to embrace, I sprinted to the toilet. It was the first time I had ever actually hurled from a hangover. Lucky me.

As I stared into the bloodshot eyes reflected in the bathroom mirror all I could do was cry. Of all days! Bill was sympathetic and, of course, felt absolutely fine.

“Are you okay in there?” he asked with a mouth full of some sort of biscuit while peering into the marble floored powder room at his half dead fiancé.

“No I’m not okay. I’m sick! Look at me, look at my eyes. We have to call it off, I can’t do this today,” I sobbed.

“What? We already got the license; we have to go through with it now. You’ll be fine, just rest for a while.”

I tried to rest. It did little good. Then Bill got the brilliant idea of going to some museum a mile away and talked me into it. It was noon by then, the hottest part of the day with the worst hangover of all time. Yay. Mercifully, an early period did not arrive to complete this turducken of misery. I trudged on.

The museum was uninspiring; in fact I can’t even remember anything in it. He liked it. Walking back we found a florist and bought some roses. Oh yeah, there was that thing we had to do at 5:00.

Arriving at the garden fully dressed and on time was a challenge but we managed. My dress was simple, but with stockings and a full girdle it was almost unbearable. I felt alright, but I was angry at myself for letting my vices get the better of me. Poor Bill only had one suit, and it was black wool. But boy did he look hot in the incredibly sexy way.

We had to check in at the park office which was located in one of the rooms of the mansion museum on the property. A tiny black haired woman in her fifties greeted us. She was dressed in a black floral dress and wore a headband to keep the hair off her face. Fans were blowing in two corners of the paper cluttered room as well as a window air conditioner at full power but nonetheless losing the battle to make the climate anything cooler than evening swamp.

“You’re not from around here are you,” she drawled as a statement of fact and not a question.

“No.”

“The park closes at sunset. Feel free to walk the grounds. I’m sorry but there are no more tours of the museum today so you’ll have to remain out of doors for the duration,” she said in a tired end of the day voice.

A rather portly justice of the peace greeted us on the veranda of the plantation house with a photographer who can only be described as the ghost of Chris Farley. In a powder blue suit I might add. So it was just the four of us, Bill, the reverend, Chris Farley and me.

To my surprised delight a funny thing happened as we were standing there listening to the booming southern drawl of the right reverend. My head ache disappeared, the heat magically lifted and for those few precious minutes everything in the garden stood still.

Bill and I looked at each other and an overwhelming rush of love and confidence washed over us. We were meant get through life together, and nothing was more important than to officially and legally proclaim this fact. It was all that mattered in the gravity of that moment. We were in awe of its meaning.

Those first few hours after taking the vows were indeed blissful. Even though we’d been in love for years, the instant we said, “I do” it was bigger. It meant more. Bugs and all.

Only a couple of erudite Connecticut Yankees would be clueless enough to plan an outdoor wedding in Charleston in late July. Nevertheless, it was the most romantic day of my life and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

Happy Friday

2009-05-15T15:49:00.002-04:00

Another year older, another year odder....

2009-05-13T09:31:00.005-04:00

A National Treasure turns 45 today! Happy Birthday Stephen Colbert!

The Specter of Disaster

2009-04-29T16:51:00.006-04:00

News of the dramatic defection of Arlen Specter from the GOP to the Democratic Party caused a brief, albeit intense media deluge causing many a head spin and eye roll from pundits, politicians and regular people on both sides of the isle. Accusations by the right that he had no chance to win the Republican primary in 2010 (thanks to the lunatics at The Club for Growth) and that he’s only switching to salvage what’s left of his career were pretty much expected. Also, the fact that they’re losing the only Jew in their ranks (Lieberman doesn’t really count) must have sent secret pangs of joy throughout the wingnuttia of the leadership. The Democratic side welcoming him with open arms, despite the fact that he doesn’t agree with them about 90% of the time, was also the predictable outcome of such an announcement. I see it as a lose/lose for both sides.

Right now the Republican Senate consists of not surprisingly twenty lawyers, two medical doctors, several business people, a couple of real estate brokers, a former Major League Baseball pitcher, an embarrassingly bad amateur musician and a former lawn equipment salesman. All proudly admit to practicing some form of Christianity – mostly of the Evangelical or goon variety. * All but six of these Constitutional mouth-breathers fall into the “Guns, God and Gays” category meaning that they are pro gun, anti abortion and total homophobes especially when it comes to marriage. It also attests to the fact that these three virtual non-issues (guns, God and gays) are the platforms on which they base their leadership. And a good many of them are guilty of providing a figurative blow job to Jack Abramoff. My personal favorite, David Vittner of Louisiana, was found to be one of the DC Madam’s best customers. He’s also one of the most vocal about the Family Values ™.

Specter leaving the party signals the demise of any hope of a rational discourse in the Senate. You can’t reason with a person who actually believes that God talks to them on a regular basis and that the jury is still out on Evolution. The loss of Specter is a loss for all of us. I don’t know about you, but I would love it if we as a nation could witness an intelligent debate in the Senate without invoking Jesus, the second amendment or “the definition of marriage.” None of these things matter to the vast majority of Americans who right now are screaming for some answers.

The club of semi-normal Republican senators is dwindling fast. All we’re left with are Lisa Murkowski, Mike Crapo, Dick Lugar, George Voinovich, Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe. Keep in mind that Crapo ran unopposed in 2004. Is the Republican Party about to implode on itself? I’m sure many on the left are praying in a non-denominational way for this to happen. I say let’s not bust out the bubbly just yet.

*Full disclosure – I have absolutely no use for people who use religious dogma to dictate their moral decisions. Furthermore, the idea of using the Bible in any of its whacked out translations to enforce law is completely repulsive and should be ignored by anyone with the capacity for cognitive thought.

Email of the week....

2009-04-27T14:50:00.010-04:00

We're all used to getting the occasional email from the government of Sweden informing us that we've just won the national lottery or the former finance minister of Zimbabwe offering us a hefty percentage of the $2 million he needs to safely transfer to a US bank.

Today the ballsiest of all requests arrived in my in box and I feel obligated to share this patriotic audacity with you, fair reader. I especially like that part about the prisoners confessing after being tortured, and their amazing find of an undisclosed number of "nuclearweapons."

Just in case you feel the need to thank this "patriot" for his service you can email him at his shell account: marthins974@msn.com. American scam artists are getting so sloppy lately. They seem to be running out of ideas at an alarming pace.

I am Steve Marthins from the hospitality state (Mississippi), of the US Marine Force on Monitoring and Peace –keeping mission in Baghdad-Iraq.

On the 21st day of December 2008, we were alerted on the sudden presence of some Terrorists camping in a suburb not too far from Karbala here in Iraq. After Immediate intervention, we captured three (3) of the Terrorists, twenty-six (26) were killed leaving seven (7) injured.

In the process of torture they confessed being rebels for late Ayman al-Zawahiri and took us to a cave in Karbala which served as their camp. Here we recovered several guns, bombs and other Ammunitions including some boxes among which two contains nuclearweapons, one filled with hard drugs(cocaine) and the other four to my amazement contain some US Dollars amounting to $23.2M a fter I and two of my junior intelligent officers counted them.

I however instructed them to keep this in high secrecy.

I am in keen need of a “Reliable and Trustworthy” person like you who would receive, secure and protect these boxes containing the US Dollars for me up on till my assignment elapses in here in Iraq.

I assure and=2 0promise to give you 15% of this fund, however feel free to
negotiate what you wish to have as your percentage in this
business.

Please assure me of your keeping this topmost secret to protect my job with the US Monitoring and Peace-Keeping mission.
Please for the confidentiality of this deal.
Kind Regards,
Steve Marthins

You gonna burn one or you gonna be one?

2009-04-20T12:17:00.001-04:00

Quote of the week....

2009-04-16T12:54:00.012-04:00

So few remember that the Boston Tea Party began when George Washington and his ragtag group of Union soldiers holed up in the Alamo surrounded by Nazis. Luckily, before Napoleon could bring his Terminator reinforcements, Hannibal saved the patriot army with his elite corps of Elephant men. To this day, we still rally around the cry, “Remember the Ewoks."

Oh Stephen Colbert, how I love thee!

Who wouldn't want to tea bag John McCain?

2009-04-11T12:23:00.003-04:00

This is pure comedy gold!

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Absinthe is not for everyone....

2009-04-08T17:06:00.004-04:00

It’s no secret that I am a long time connoisseur of the recently legalized libation known as absinthe. Admittedly, it was my great love of Oscar Wilde and Vincent van Gogh that prompted me to experiment with the drink, so I completely understand the temptation to dabble based on the stories of idols past – and sometimes present.

One of my greatest pleasures is sitting at an outdoor café in New Orleans – away from the noise and 24/7 freak show that is Bourbon Street – and sipping a glass or two of the green fairy in late afternoon. I’ve done this on the few fortunate occasions that I’ve been able to visit the Big Easy. Somehow the atmosphere of Pirate’s Alley and the adjacent St. Louis cathedral heightens the experience for me, and I assume countless others. However, this last visit I witnessed some of the silliest examples of pop mentality since Coors beer became legal in Connecticut.

Scores of 20-nothings began flooding into the bar, cameras at the ready, to order their first taste of the ancient elixir. Perhaps they’d heard of Johnny Depp’s love for the drink, or worse still, Marilyn Manson’s. I’ve got nothing against either gentleman. It’s not their fault that they’ve unwittingly turned on (and quickly turned off) an entire new generation of sheep to Artemisia absinthium. Everyone should try it once.

What pissed me off as I was quietly trying to enjoy my $10 dram of Lucid was the asinine giddiness of the crowd. Girls in giggling groups wanting their pictures snapped holding the milky glasses. The constant requests for ice. Who the fuck puts ice in absinthe? Then the heartbreaking sight of half filled glasses lining the bar as the girls realized that they really didn’t like the taste and what was the big deal anyway? Off to get a Hurricane. What a waste!

Personally, I like my absinthe prepared in the classic French way. I don’t need the pyrotechnic display so popularized by the Czechs. Absinthe is a quiet sipping spirit. It takes time to hit you, and when it does, you should be in the right frame of mind. It’s not a race. You don’t drink it like a Kamikaze shot, and it doesn’t mix will with other forms of alcohol. Furthermore, it does not belong in a plastic cup to be consumed on the go.

Perhaps as time goes by the allure will subside a bit, or better still, people will know what they’re getting into before sidling up to the bar for their first experience with the over hyped thujone. Until then, fortunately, I’ve got a bottle of Grande and a stock of sugar cubes at home.

Musical Interlude....

2009-04-08T09:44:00.002-04:00

Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez

2009-03-30T18:57:00.008-04:00

Bon jour mon ami,

Tomorrow I will journey to my favorite American city - New Orleans. There will be much drink and merriment. Red beans and rice will be consumed. Trumpets and trombones will fill my head with joy.

There will not be blog posts.

Chick-a-tay. Yeah you right!

The Dunce

Stamford Morons....

2009-03-30T09:03:00.005-04:00

(TIA ANN CHAPMAN / HARTFORD COURANT / March 27, 2009)

Bob Cesca pointed this one out on his blog today. You can imagine my shame and horror when I realized they were Connecticut morons. This photo was taken at a "Tea Bag Protest" in Stamford. I guess the wingnuts are everywhere. It's sad that people are protesting in one of the wealthiest and highest educated sections of Connecticut - and these two Stepford beauties probably have spouses bringing in six bills a year or higher - yet they didn't feel the need to consult a dictionary or a history book. Frightening and sad.

The Violent Bear it Away....

2009-03-27T10:55:00.003-04:00

Cancer sucks. It sucks out loud. It sucks quietly in the corner, unnoticed until it’s too late to shut it up. Of all the horrific calamities that might befall a human being it stings the deepest and devastates unabashedly.

Sure, there are other diseases and tragic circumstances that can happen to anyone at any time. But the heartbreak of cancer, the winner take all, fuck you and the horse you rode in on element that makes cancer the number one unnecessary evil in this life is its flagrant exploitation of hope.

This disease has dominated my life in the form of an obscene, smirking bandit ransoming the people I love the most – then running off with every last penny leaving only corpses in its wake. It has no mercy, not even for a baby.

Metaphors like treating a bullet wound with a band aid or fighting an inferno with a squirt gun come to mind when contemplating the demonic mutation that is cancer.

So what can you do? It’s your only life. You fight because you have to. You buy into the medical bull shit three card Monty shell game and play. You pray. You bargain. Tears become a part of your personality. When you finally reach the arch of the journey and see nothing on the other side you still fight. And no one ever has the balls to tell you not to. Not family. Certainly not doctors, who will pump the same toxic poison into a thousand people and get the same result – death – yet will gladly inject person 1,001 in the “hope” of a positive outcome. It is madness unequaled. Fairness is not part of its realm, only sacrifice. Charles Bukowski said it best. On his grave stone is simply written: Don’t try.

Today I learned of another gambler who lost her fight. She tried.

Pog ma thon

2009-03-17T09:36:00.002-04:00

Happy Friday

2009-03-13T16:54:00.001-04:00

Quote of the week....

2009-03-09T12:36:00.005-04:00

D.L. Hughley I will miss you!

Here's the quote from guest Frank Shaeffer:

The fact of the matter is, there are 300 million of us. There's 20 million of them (republicans). It's not a big percentage. It's just a loud percentage. This is the drunk on the subway making trouble in the car for all of the people on the subway. There are 100 decent citizens on there, there is one ass in the front that's molesting women. That's the Republican Party now in terms of the loud car.

Governor Rell 2 for 2...

2009-03-02T12:17:00.005-05:00

As if 24 hour bar service at the casinos wasn't cause enough to wonder about the future reputation of Connecticut, I give you the latest installment on how to officially turn the Nutmeg state into the white trash capital of America. Governor Rell is in negotiations to bring the Jerry Springer Show to lovely Stamford.

Jerry Springer Show to Leave Chicago for Connecticut

For decades, Connecticut has made a concerted effort to put on a face of snobbery and wealth. We are invariably associated with the likes of Martha Stewart, Katherine Hepburn, Fairfield County, country clubs and upper class Yankees who make at least seven figures and pay the highest taxes in the country because they can.

Of course all of this is a crock of shit. It's true, we've got ample pockets and hamlets where reside some of the wealthiest go-getters and even older money, but we've also got the poorest capital city in America, a swelling budget deficit, and yes, a disturbing number of trailer parks.

However, as a native nutmegger I take offense at this latest sweetheart deal offered to NBC Universal. Why must Connecticut become an active contributor to the trashification of America? It's bad enough we all must struggle just to maintain residence here, but to once and for all lose our perceived status as having a modicum of class is too harsh a blow in these desperate times.

Governor Rell you must reconsider. I implore you. Don't turn Connecticut into the Florida of the north!

When all else fails...get drunk you losers!

2009-02-25T16:13:00.010-05:00

Our illustrious Governor in her infinite wisdom about how to fix the budget woes of this pathetic state has come up with this brilliant gem of enlightenment.

Rell Proposes 24-Hour Bar Service At State's Casinos

Gambling revenues have kind of tanked ever since huge swaths of betting slobs residing in the Nutmeg State decided that it might be a good idea to pay the electric bill rather than blow their weeks' pay at Mohegan Sun.

It's bad enough that Chief Fist Full of Cash and the gang get to operate two of the largest casinos in the world, despite the fact that it is illegal to operate a casino in the state of Connecticut. Now they want to give the finger to the local bars who are obliged to obey the arcane liquor laws and close up shop by 2:00 a.m.

And as an aside, Connecticut has more than its fair share of drunken assholes speeding around it's dark back roads in the wee hours. The last thing we need is an unlimited supply of cheap well drinks in a phony atmosphere that pumps pure oxygen through every vent to keep these Otises alert only long enough to get them out the door and staggering into their cars where the full force of reality smacks them in the head.

I will bet my last Wampambuck that the "Indians" are griping because their profit margins are heading downward as more people see the reason in holding onto their cash rather than essentially flushing it down the toilet. I wonder if Governor Rell's bright idea has anything to do with the fact that the Attorney General's office just went on record denouncing any plans for the "reservations" to be expanded beyond their set parameters.

Happy Friday

2009-02-20T09:36:00.001-05:00

File this under, "You've Got to Be Fucking Kidding Me"

2009-02-18T10:35:00.006-05:00

New York Post. I always knew they were a little off, but come on people! This is just beyond any weak excuse for satire, humor or a sign of the times. It's downright racist and at this juncture in our collective experience completely unacceptable. Nice touch having two white cops. Really adds to the message.

Quote of the week...and it's only Monday!

2009-02-02T16:39:00.006-05:00

"It's like wearing dark pants and pissing down your leg. It gives you a warm feeling, but no one knows you did it."

Barney Frank's thoughts on TARP. Classy.

Happy Friday

2009-01-30T17:33:00.002-05:00

Is it hot in here?

2009-01-24T12:29:00.005-05:00

Well guys, I'm off to sunny Florida for a conference in Clearwater. It's beyond exciting for me because I haven't been warm since October! It brings to mind my favorite line from The Pope of Greenwich Village when Paulie exclaims on more than one occasion, "It's warm there, Charlie." Yes indeed, it is. Maybe I'll check out the world headquarters of Scientology or eat dinner at 4:00 with the rest of the population. Such possibilities! I know it's too cold to swim, but a nice long walk on the beach is just about what I need right now. That and a couple of dozen Mai Tais. See y'all in about a week!

Take two...

2009-01-22T09:46:00.004-05:00

Apparently, Justice John "Doofus" Roberts really screwed up Obama's oath of office pledge. You know, the one watched by 5 billion people around the world. So in an effort to quash the conspiracy theorists and all manner of right wing goon-speak, President Obama took the oath again yesterday. Just so we're clear - he really is the president - the powers of the Illuminati are not at work. Move along, people. Nothing more to see here.

1.20.09

2009-01-20T23:14:00.004-05:00

Remind me again...Why do I live here?

2009-01-16T09:33:00.004-05:00

This is the thermometer on the back deck of my house. No, there is no trick photography here. When did Connecticut become Alaska? Burr......

As if Bush wasn't enough of a national embarassment....

2009-01-13T10:49:00.009-05:00

There are thousands of real journalists all over America - people who have actually been trained to cover news stories and report on them - who can't land even an assignment editor's position at the local rag for $10 an hour. Yet this jackass, Joe the Plumber, who obviously isn't capable of formulating a coherent sentence on film, let alone on paper, gets the gig of a lifetime and travels to Israel to cover the fighting in the Gaza strip.

A real journalist would be formulating questions, obtaining details about military and cultural history and interviewing as many significant players as they can find.

Not Joe. No, he wastes his time bitching about how there should be no war correspondents (except him?) and asking the most asinine, base questions, to....wait for it....another journalist! To quote the great Ron White, "you can't fix stupid."

Here's a taste. I recommend washing it down with a double shot of bourbon:

JOE: The story here is people are being killed and the media's slanting it and trying to make it Hamas is, uh, as far as, that Israel's being bad. Do you believe Israel is bad?

REPORTER: Do I believe it?
JOE: Yeah, do you?!
REPORTER: I'm Israeli, so...
JOE: So answer the question!

REPORTER: No, I don't think Israel is bad.
JOE: Do you think Israel has every right to protect itself?
REPORTER: Yeah.
[pause]
JOE: You do?!
REPORTER: Yeah.
JOE: Have you said that on air?
REPORTER: I'm just a reporter.

Read the full report here if you have the stomach:

"Joe the Plumber Fights With Israeli Reporter"

Happy Friday

2009-01-09T14:03:00.004-05:00

I think I'll start writing poetry again
Not because I'm in need of a friend
Or pining over some ancient love lost
Not for an audience or the praise of a crowd
No, I'm far too busy for that now

The days come up fast and there is so much to do
Cats to feed
Cooking too
News shows to watch
And letters to write
Important conversations to be had
Over drinks and candlelight

My reasons are simple, selfish and true
It's not because I've nothing better to do
Believe me, a million tasks I could easily find
To bide away my dwindling time
And squander away life's purest delights
With politics and paying bills
The whole gamut of a grown up's plight

Yet it takes but a moment to turn a phrase
Raise a dry smile - seize the day
Honestly, all I want to be able to say
Is that I wrote a poem today.

Happy Birthday In Heaven Mr. Presley...

2009-01-08T14:03:00.005-05:00

Today marks the 74th birthday of the King of Rock and Roll, Elvis Presley. I grew up listening to the King, thanks to my mother and her infinite love of all things Elvis. So many of his songs hold a special place in my heart, but none as dear as the one you're about to listen to. Without further ado, "Love Me."

Quote of the Year....

2009-01-07T14:42:00.005-05:00

It is especially gratifying to see a political pundit get verbally bitch slapped on national television. If that blow hard mouthpiece happens to be Joe Scarborough, the joy is even sweeter. Thank you Dr. Brzezinski!

Scarborough: "You cannot blame what's going on in Israel on the Bush administration."

Brzezinski: "You know, you have such a stunningly superficial knowledge of what went on that it's almost embarrassing to listen to you."

Grief.com

2009-01-02T10:14:00.015-05:00

As a communications director I can assure you I’ve had some real dooseys when it comes to cyber experiences over the years but nothing even comes close to what I was witness to a few weeks ago.

I was invited to attend a wake through my Facebook page. You read that right. Facebook has now become the new medium to express sorrow and grief.

Perhaps it has something to do with the departed. Tragically, he was only 23 years old. The magnitude of the devastation many members of my own family had to endure at the horrible news of his demise was heartbreaking. I should know, as many were constantly updating their profile “what are you doing right now” fields practically every hour on the hour with some of the most profoundly sad expressions of loss that I’ve ever read outside of a Russian novel.

I’m not saying it’s wrong. I’m saying it’s weird.

I would be lying if I didn’t admit feeling overwhelmingly uncomfortable as I hit the “will attend” button right next to ads for Oprah’s Acai Berry Diet and Colon Cleansing. The tackiness aside, it was as if I were replying to an invitation to happy hour after work or an acquaintance’s upcoming baby shower. Still stranger were the photos of all the Facebook friends right up there on the page, those planning to attend, not to or still thinking about it, the plethora of images - each one vying to be most unique or funny in a sea of everyone else attempting the same - each with their own individual perspective that when taken as a whole is exactly like the next and the next and still the next.

Our tireless efforts at nonconformity are the cruelest joke of all when it comes to the 2.0 phenomenon. We all look the same to the advertising jackals. The minor tweaks that need to be executed to customize our collective consumer experience are laughable. The consequences, however, may very possibly be catastrophic.

Have we as a society become so immune to advertising that we’ve accepted it as a part of our deepest moments of despair and elation? Have we fallen victim to its audacity and intrusion so completely that its offense is suddenly palatable? Perhaps through generations of conditioning our racing minds have learned to acknowledge an image with the tag line, “Tired of Waxing?” for a nano-second, store it and return to experiencing real human emotion.

Maybe my status as a cyber immigrant has something to do with my unease at this latest trend in grieving. The sympathy card has been replaced with a poorly written text message complete with misspellings and painfully free of grammatical punctuation. What’s next? Starbucks gift certificates in place of the Mass card?

The younger generations, the cyber natives as I like to call them, those born into the computer technology age, in many ways are the biggest dupes of all. Although Facebook is an excellent means of communication and has become absolutely essential to so many of us who rely on it to stay in touch with friends and family, the degree of personal information people willingly offer to virtually anyone is profoundly disturbing. And worse still is the inconceivable gullibility of the age.

Then again, Scarlett Johansson recently put her snot filled Kleenex on EBay. It was a top entertainment headline. Bids topped $2,025 by 9:00 a.m. the next morning. The lunatics are now running the asylum.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-24T13:33:00.004-05:00

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

A Colbert Christmas: Another Christmas Song

Colbert at Christmas
Colbert Christmas DVD

Green Screen
Bill O'Reilly Interview

Damn!

2008-12-22T15:08:00.004-05:00

I'd say he's the hottest president thus far. Wouldn't you?

Fuzzy memories....

2008-12-17T10:54:00.004-05:00

Yesterday while driving to work this song came on the radio. It's an old one and it gave me the biggest shit eating grin I've had in too many moons. There's no video here, just straight rocking bliss. So for any of you who've ever drank beer in the woods in front of a bonfire with a ghetto blaster hooked up to a car battery I implore you to sit back, close your eyes and wax nostalgic for the next four minutes and fifteen seconds. Ladies and gentleman, without any further ado, here's Van Halen's Drop Dead Legs.

Sunday Sauce

2008-12-14T15:42:00.002-05:00

Christmas is definitely on this year. Yesterday the old man and I got a real tree – a symbolic gesture we haven’t done in way too many years. It’s somewhat larger than it appeared in the lot where first we spied it. Luckily we didn’t have to pull a Babitz to make it fit. Now the whole house smells of Balsam Fir and that’s just fine with me! The holiday shopping was low key and I’m relieved to say that it’s finished. Now there’s cooking to do and parties to host.

2008 has been a mixed bag of crap and candy. Last year I was determined to have a positive, happy year and despite a whole lot of trials and tribulations it has been pretty damn good. Much like the Obama win in November, the year has proven to be quite transformative for me personally. For better or for worse, we’re all in it so we better make it work – that includes our conduct both in our daily family lives and outside. People generally piss me off to no end with their incessant cell phone use and overall disregard for manners and etiquette. All I can do is try to be the example with an open mind and hopefully less aggravation. We owe it to ourselves and our country to do the best we can regardless of the situation. Consider that today’s word of advice.

Now I must get back to tending the sauce. Ciao.

2008 Year End Wrap Up...

2008-12-12T15:40:00.008-05:00

Top 10 Things We Could Have Done Without

1. Sarah Palin
2. Joe the Plumber
3. PUMAs
4. The writers’ strike
5. The new iPhone
6. $4 a gallon gas
7. Tom Brokaw hosting Meet the Press
8. Sex and the City (the movie)
9. Windows Vista
10. Black Friday and all the morons who participated

Top 5 things I learned this year
1. Depression and grief are not the same, though both totally suck.
2. Couples therapy is silly.
3. The Hotel Chelsea is the most disgusting lodging this side of Calcutta.
4. No matter how hard I try I just don’t like Feist.
5. Absinthe is everything it’s cracked up to be and sometimes more.

Music Pics
1. Back to Black – Amy Winehouse
2. Frank – Amy Winehouse
3. Collected – Massive Attack
4. Unbreakable: A Retrospective – The Afghan Whigs
5. Oh My Nola – Harry Connick, Jr.

Books
1. Catching the Big Fish: Meditation, Consciousness and Creativity – David Lynch
2. The Age of American Unreason – Susan Jacoby
3. Free Thinkers: A History of American Secularism – Susan Jacoby
4. Acting In Film: An Actor’s Take on Movie Making – Michael Caine
5. The Great Derangement – Matt Taibbi
6. Obsessive Branding Disorder – Lucas Conley
7. A Mencken Chrestomathy – H.L. Mencken
8. Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom – Dr. Christiane Northru
9. Going Home: Jesus and Buddha as Brothers – Thich Nhat Hanh
10. The Federalist Papers – Alexander Hamilton, James Madison and John Jay

Get your geek on...

2008-12-12T09:55:00.007-05:00

Sunday marks the beginning of White House week on C-SPAN. Happy, happy. Joy, joy.

More therapy......

2008-12-10T13:36:00.002-05:00

Musical Interlude

2008-12-05T09:22:00.003-05:00

As you well know, the Beatles are number one bar none in my book. Not only is this particular song my favorite, but it pretty much sums up exactly how I'm feeling today. So for therapeutic purposes, here's Hide Your Love Away....

Happy Birthday

2008-12-04T11:31:00.009-05:00

It’s been a year since I started this blog. It began as a way to cope with the writers’ strike and the fact that my favorite shows (Colbert and Daily) were sent into reruns for over a month. Boredom and frustration set in, so I figured I’d create an outlet for my angst that became Web Dunce official.

The changes that took place this past year, both for the country and for me personally have been quite profound. I’ve never used this blog as a space for anything personal going on in my life, but let’s just say that my human experience has broadened across the spectrum of complete elation and happiness to total loss. I’ve grown, luckily not in the physical sense.

I spent a good portion of this past year living in a semi-reality. Going on dream dates to political rallies with my imaginary boyfriend, Steve, letting cable news become my new drug of choice, and getting though a mid life crisis by submerging myself into acting and screen writing in an attempt to keep busy and not dwell too long on things that I cannot change.

Through all the ups and downs, it still turned out to be a pretty good year. I got to see Barack Obama speak in person, my job is turning out to be the best thing that’s ever happened to me professionally, and I’m married to the greatest guy in the world. Not too shabby. I still remain a total cynic, but in a healthy observant way. Though I’d like to have more time to contribute to this blogging endeavor, I’ll do my best to keep it going for as long as I’m able. So raise a glass in solidarity fair reader, even though the half full cup is a third backwash.

Tis the Season.....

2008-11-28T17:21:00.003-05:00

This image pretty much says it all. So much for that holiday spirit. The whole American attitude sickens me beyond mere words. I will be posting a piece on the psychos who wait outside Walmarts across the country to storm in at 5:00 a.m. for the bargains. I've just learned that a worker in New York was actually trampled to death by these rabid insane consumers. Right now, I'm just too pissed off to write. Look for something tomorrow when I calm down.

There really is a Santa Claus...

2008-11-25T11:21:00.008-05:00

Hello faithful reader,

My shiny new computer is due to arrive any day now and posts will resume accordingly. Meanwhile, this wonderful bit of news courtesy of the Huffington Post is sure to bring some holiday cheer:

Ann Coulter's Jaw Wired Shut

It's pretty drastic, but she's not exactly a subtle presence in the pundit club.

In absurd news today....

2008-11-17T13:31:00.007-05:00

It appears that we do in fact live in the bizzaro world after all. Just in time for Christmas, Joe the Plumber will be publishing his book. Do I feel like puking? Absolutely. In less time than it takes to publish a comic book, this douche bag will produce a full length manifesto. Of course, he's not really writing it. One can be fairly certain that he can't put together a coherent sentence on paper, let alone a full length book. However, there you have it America. A total moron with what could potentially be a multi-million dollar book deal. What a country!

"Joe the Plumber Book Due Out In December"

Commence banging head on desk.....now!

A note from the management....

2008-11-17T10:29:00.005-05:00

I realize that posts lately have been lacking. Last week totally sucked as far as technology goes. After reformatting my PC twice, installing a brand spanking new hard drive and spending too many hours downloading and re-downloading essential programs we've come to the conclusion that the mother board is cooked and now the Mister and I must purchase a new tower all together - hopefully tonight.

To top it off, my brand new laptop also had a mother board issue and had to be sent back to Dell to be fixed. That was almost two weeks ago. I'm still waiting for them to send it back all fresh and shiny new. Until then, my only post time is at work which is totally not cool. So, stay patient reader. I'll be back making opinionated useless commentary before you know it.

Yours Truly,
The Management

Happy Friday

2008-11-07T09:25:00.001-05:00

Oh yes we did.....

2008-11-06T12:26:00.005-05:00

As the dust begins to settle and the gravity of what happened on November 4^th has finally set in I am left with an overwhelming sense of optimism, elation and most of all, relief. For the first time in my twenty year voting history I’ve cast a vote not only for a winner, but for someone for whom I have the greatest respect and admiration. This time around it wasn’t merely a choice between the lesser of two evils – as it was for my only other winning vote which was cast for Bill Clinton in 1992. This time my vote was more of a confident defiance against what the media has been force feeding me for well over a decade: the notion that we are somehow this ignorant, hollow-values based society who takes comfort in choosing incompetent leaders because somehow they are more like “us” and that a warped interpretation of the teachings of Jesus Christ has to be the defining factor in every decision made by our leaders. As President-Elect Obama exclaimed on more than one occasion, “Enough!”

I admit, watching the results come in Tuesday night I was apprehensive about an Obama victory. Not because I thought that he wasn’t the better candidate, or that he wouldn’t garner the most votes. No, the number one reason had to do with my cynical side which has been reinforced too many times with devastating disappointments. I felt certain the Republicans would cheat their way into another victory. Even when the final tally was called, fittingly enough by Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, I thought they were joking. It wasn’t until the next day, watching Obama address the massive crowd in Grant Park on C-SPAN, that I was hit with the awesome magnitude of the moment. America got it right. Finally. The deep pride I felt cannot be compared to anything I’ve ever experienced. Infinitely bigger than Springsteen, Elvis or the Red Sox win in 2004.

As the final chapter of this nightmare that has been the Bush administration finally comes to a close, and all we now must endure is a weak epilogue, I can at last reflect with as sense of assured satisfaction on all the stress-inducing, throw things at the TV moments that have taken up far too much space in my life throughout this campaign. Good bye and good riddance to:

Joe the Plumber
Sarah Palin and her entire family
Reverend Jeremiah Wright
Bill Ayres
John McCain’s evil twin (the one who took over these last several months on the campaign trail)
Are we ready for a black president?
The Bradley Effect
You betcha (wink) again, also too…
Secret Muslim
Hank Williams, Jr.

Perhaps this vote proves once and for all that America is essentially a liberal thinking country. That her people may have diverse backgrounds and beliefs, but in the end reason trumps ideology. It’s been a long time coming, and it took a Hell of a lot of screw ups to finally stir the sleeping giant from its dream of petty consumerism and “I, me, mine” world view. Who knows what lies ahead? Obama has his work cut out for him, and I’m sure there will be mistakes along the way. But as far as I’m concerned, if Obama can’t fix us, no one can.

An Open Letter to Undecided Voters....

2008-11-03T11:47:00.008-05:00

Dear UV,

For the past several months you have had your collective ass kissed on a daily basis by both candidates in an attempt to sway your sorry low-information thought process in their direction. Endless rallies, mailers, television commercials and emails have bombarded you with truth and lies about where Obama and McCain stand on the basic issues that affect all of us, yes, even you, though you may be too stupid to realize it.

We’ve seen your like on countless news shows expounding your opinions and your perceived knowledge of the political process, and we hear the same tired lowest common denominator responses, “I just don’t know.” “I can’t really see any difference between the two candidates.” You really just aren’t listening! Maybe it’s good old fashioned American ADHD taking hold. Perhaps the concepts are too far above your level of understanding. Whatever the reason, you’ve been coddled long enough.

The poster child for your ilk – though he has apparently chosen a side – is Joe the Plumber. This douche bag of the first water has no business even casting a vote because he has no fundamental understanding of anything. When Obama gave him a thorough answer to his ridiculous pie in the sky question about the potential earnings of the business he wants to buy (though has absolutely no means whatsoever to purchase said business) he likened Obama to Sammy Davis, Jr. tap dancing around the issue. Here’s part of Obama’s “unclear” answer:

Obama said, "First off, you would get a 50% tax credit so you'd get a tax cut for your healthcare costs….. if your revenue is above 250 – then from 250 down, your taxes are going to stay the same. It is true that from 250 up – from 250 – 300 or so, so for that additional amount, you’d go from 36 to 39%, which is what it was under Bill Clinton. And the reason why we’re doing that is because 95% of small businesses make less than 250. So what I want to do is give them a tax cut. I want to give all these folks who are bus drivers, teachers, auto workers who make less, I want to give them a tax cut. And so what we’re doing is, we are saying that folks who make more than 250 that that marginal amount above 250 – they’re gonna be taxed at a 39 instead of a 36% rate.”

For the full exchange click here.

Both candidates have provided the masses with clear plans on how they will govern if elected. Obama has a 63 page plan called The Blueprint for Change. It’s pretty comprehensive and chock full of new ideas. You might want to take a glance at it. That is, of course, if you can focus for more than 30 seconds. McCain also has a plan. It’s not as in-depth as Obama’s (Republican plans are notoriously vague and McCain’s is no exception), but it’s something. Very clearly set out. It will take you less time to digest, so why don’t you start there.

The contrast between these two candidates and their philosophies is literally black and white. If you can’t find some agreement with either plan, then frankly, you just shouldn’t bother to vote. It pains me to think that your vote is as legitimate as mine, but such is the rule of a democracy. I’ve studied the facts, stressed through the insults and scandals, registered voters and tried my best to do my patriotic duty as an American by staying as informed as possible. Meanwhile, you’ve been watching reruns of The Gilmore Girls and reading way too many anonymous emails. So at this late stage in the game let me offer a tid-bit of advice. When you are eenee-meeny-miny-mowing your way through the ballot tomorrow, please start with McCain.

ZOMG!!!

2008-11-02T14:57:00.003-05:00

Wilco on Colbert? I must be in Heaven.....

2008-10-29T10:08:00.005-04:00

I've just learned that my two favorite obsessions will be combined in a surreal fantasy that I never even considered. Yes, Wilco will be a guest on The Colbert Report tomorrow night. With all the stress of the election and other various issues happening in my life right now this could not be a more welcome surprise! Be sure to tune in at 11:30 on Comedy Central. I feel like it's Christmas morning and that shiny new Huffy 10 speed is resting under the tree wrapped in a big red bow!

Oui On Peut!!!!

2008-10-29T09:42:00.001-04:00

Top Five Superficial Reasons Why I Hate Sarah Palin....

2008-10-24T10:16:00.005-04:00

1. She met Bono

2. Guest stint on SNL

3. $150K on fancy new duds

4. Hall of fame for all time stupidest kids' names

5. That ridiculous accent

And then there's this.....

2008-10-20T15:44:00.004-04:00

"Middletown's 'Birdman' Still Believes He Can Fly"

God, how I love living in Middletown!!

Happy Friday

2008-10-17T09:32:00.001-04:00

How's that crow tastin?

2008-10-14T10:39:00.005-04:00

Why is it that when times get really bad it's ALWAYS a democratic plan that manages to set us right again. And despite that glaring fact, the republicans never concede that their economic philosophy just plain doesn't work for the common good. Now, with their backs to the wall and ten seconds left in the game, Bush and co. decide to let the government take partial ownership of the major American banks, not to take over the free market, mind you, but to preserve it. You can wrap it in whatever dubious language that makes you the most comfortable, Mr. Bush. The fact of the matter is that when it comes down to brass tacks, the "free market" isn't fit to regulate a lemonade stand. All props and respect to FDR. The above photo, by the way, is of the first Roosevelt bank opened in March 1933.

Who says they can't be just as miserable as the rest of us....legally?

2008-10-10T14:02:00.006-04:00

Some days I'm actually proud to live in Connecticut. Once again, our laws reflect the constitutionality of an issue, and not the religious righteousness that all too often permeates the political and social discourse in this country.

Connecticut court overturns gay marriage ban

REUTERS
Reuters North American News Service

Oct 10, 2008 10:38 EST

BOSTON (Reuters) - The Connecticut Supreme Court overturned a ban on same-sex marriage Friday in a victory for gay-rights advocates that will allow couples to marry in the New England state.

The court found that the state's law limiting marriage to heterosexual couples discriminates on the basis of sexual orientation.

Connecticut is now the third state in the country to allow gay marriage, following neighboring Massachusetts, the first state to allow it, and California.

Connecticut already permitted same-sex civil unions that grant largely the same state rights as to married couples, but lack the full, federal legal protections of marriage.

(Reporting by Svea Herbst-Bayliss)

Happy Friday

2008-10-10T10:35:00.001-04:00

Qualin Fever...Catch it!

2008-10-08T16:43:00.007-04:00

This is an actual quote from an interview done with Mrs. Palin yesterday. I shit you not:

QUESTION: (FOX) Are you going to continue to link Obama to Ayers with all of the economic problems going on?
A: Well, Americans are caring about the problems in the economy of course And wanting to know what those long term solutions are that our ticket can provide and what the other ticket is proposing so when you talk though about what it is that we are proposing and what it is that Barack Obama is proposing again it is relevant to connect that association that he has with Ayers--not so much he as a person Ayers, but the whole situation and the truthfulness and the judgment there that you must question if again he's not being forthright in all of his answers as to how did you know him, when did you know him, why would you continue to be associated with him!? It makes you wonder about the forthrightedness, the truthfulness of the plans that he is telling America in regards to the economic recovery because that is first and foremost on American's minds."

You're now free to bang your head repeatedly on your desk.

Say it ain't so, Joe....

2008-10-08T12:50:00.006-04:00

Lieberman: "I worry about whether Obama has the right stuff to bomb Iran"

Once again, the junior senator from Connecticut literally sucks out loud. Honestly, this man needs to learn how to think before he speaks. What a jackass.

I think I'm gonna be sick....

2008-10-07T10:46:00.005-04:00

Today I read something on the Huffington Post that so sickened me that I’m starting to believe that a health mishap to either McCain or Palin wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Apparently, these two jokers have their base so riled up that shouts of “kill him” and “terrorist” can be heard when Obama’s name is invoked. I imagine my feelings at the moment aren’t all that different from rational people’s feelings as recent as the mid-sixties when blatant, violent, in-your-face racism ruled the day for way too much of the American landscape. It’s more than an outrage. It’s the basis for a cultural revolution.

I’ve always been a little taken aback when it comes to Republicans. They are, for all intents and purposes, the epitome of low information voters. They have nothing to argue because they don’t even understand the argument. I can admire someone like William F. Buckley, Jr., who actually had the intellectual capacity and, yes I dare say it, the breeding, to rationally debate his ultra conservative views. The hacks who now are in charge of the conservative agenda are a disgraceful motley crew of angry, bigoted opportunists who aren’t fit to work in the Buckley stables, let alone as his surrogates in the post neo-con vortex that we find ourselves in today.

When John McCain clinched the republican nomination I thought to myself, well, at least he’s only half crazy. All the things I’d heard about him (admittedly, I am not a follower of McCain and never really gave him much thought) pointed to a guy who seemed rational, someone who could be trusted. The media loved him. He promised to run his campaign with dignity and focus on the issues. There would be no mud slinging. I was excited for the first time to be a part of a presidential campaign unlike any other, consisting of two candidates with stark differences who could articulate them to the American people. They wanted us to be informed. Granted, all political campaigns have a degree of attack ads and smears. It’s part of the territory and we all expect some level of it. But today it has crossed the line into violence inciting inflammatory rhetoric that must not be tolerated under any circumstance. Instead of McCain distancing himself from these morons, who unfortunately make up a large part of his base, he encourages them. When one of these sons of the south called for Obama to be killed during a McCain rally hosted by Sarah Palin, she didn’t even flinch. Holy shit.

Tonight’s debate is scheduled to take place in Nashville, in a town hall type setting with the audience asking the questions. The situation could not be more favorable to McCain, as he’s been harping about doing one of these with Obama since the beginning. I have no doubt that Obama will do brilliantly. However, it is my sincere hope that a member of this audience has the balls to ask Senator McCain why he insists on comparing Obama to a terrorist and how he can ignore calls for Obama’s lynching at his rallies while simultaneously calling himself a patriotic American.

The Most Beautiful Woman in the Playhouse....

2008-10-01T15:06:00.008-04:00

I had a horrible revelation today while navigating my way up 91 North in the pouring rain. Sarah Palin is playing us all. From the moment her face was plastered on every news outlet and blog in the universe anger erupted from all sides. Mostly because the media, used to their customary hand job in the back seat of the Cadillac we like to refer to as the first amendment, were not properly introduced to Mrs. Palin and subsequently had to jack themselves off – much to their chagrin.

Crazy stories about pregnant unwed teens, witch doctors, retards and tattooed lip liner flooded every lane and exit on the information super highway blocking the rescue crews from getting to the mangled wreck of how a potential vice president should be handled and applying the jaws of life. All of this was in the master plan of the Republicans, who for some reason have the market cornered on evil geniuses. All of it – from her nonsensical answers to seemingly direct questions, to her folksy demeanor – was in the can long before any of us outside of Juneau could reckon. It’s a total academy award worthy act.

I won’t be surprised in the least if she nails Joe Biden to the wall in tomorrow’s debate. She very well could come across as a slick, well-scripted politician with all the right answers and a smoking set of gams to boot. By letting the McCain campaign frame the entire debate around phony sexism and “gotcha journalism” the media has no choice but to retaliate. But their sheer predictability out of profound laziness will play exactly into the hand of McCain.

The bar has been lowered so far that Mrs. Palin can basically step over it without even showing any thigh. This is too easy for her. And if I’m right, it’s going exactly as planned. Biden hasn’t got a chance because we no longer care about the issues. All we’ll be looking for is Palin to completely fuck up beyond reproach. This is not going to happen. She’ll sparkle and shine. She’ll look lovely. We’ll eat it up. Nothing said will even resonate with anyone. Each base will walk away with what they’re craving. “Undecided” aka low information voters will comment on her looks, her accent, that she was sharper than they’d imagined and she’ll win it. All. A beautiful woman is never taken seriously. No matter what happens, she can’t lose. But for now, let’s savor the absurdity for a little longer. I give you Sarah Palin (nee Heath) in the talent portion of the Miss Alaska pageant.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/10/01/sarah-palins-beauty-pagea_n_130901.html

Happy Friday

2008-09-26T13:18:00.002-04:00

Photo of the week....

2008-09-26T12:45:00.004-04:00

Anger is an Energy....

2008-09-18T16:14:00.005-04:00

I have to distance myself from the news cycle for a little while. Things are just becoming too distorted and weird. My seething hatred of McSame/Qualin was minimally abated by news of the collapse of America’s financial markets. That is just beyond fucked up. I’m actually getting pleasure out of seeing these two political clowns get a minor comeuppance in the media on the back of a devastating financial crash unrivaled since the great depression. What is happening to me? I used to pride myself on a rational thought process, yet lately any sleazy cheap shot at the Republican ticket has the same effect on me as a hit of crack does on a dope fiend. Why am I letting the politics of smear have an emotional effect on my otherwise analytical thinking?

It has recently dawned on me that we as a society – aside from huge portions of us just too stupid to live – have been overly processed with images, slogans and sound bytes that are now, irrevocably I’m afraid, taking control of our capacity for free will while we in turn disconnect ourselves from humanity. How many times a day do I sit through commercial after commercial telling me I’m too fat, I have acne, sexual dysfunction, bad breath, age spots, a dead-end career? The list is infinite. Americans are suffering from the worst inferiority complex on the planet and at the same time we beat our chests and mindlessly shout out, “USA, USA, USA” with one finger on the big red button. This insanity has to stop otherwise the dream and promise of America will implode. Fast.

Things are so disconnected, and people are so far removed from reality, that petty inconsequential bull shit from all directions has managed to skew any semblance of reasonable discrimination. Everything appears to have equal footing regardless of the obvious inequities staring us right in the face. No, the O’Reilly Factor does not have the same journalistic integrity as The News Hour with Jim Lehrer. No, “executive experience” does not trump constitutional law. And fuck no, emergency contraception is not abortion. Yet here we are, a society of dim wits having bogus information spoon fed into our every orifice. Did you know that 1 in 5 Americans has genital herpes? Rome is burning.

Perhaps I’m wasting my time trying to distinguish my self from the rest of the herd. They seem to be having a pretty good time overall. The anger that has sustained me for so long and enabled me to remain alert and informed is beginning to lose its fire. Maybe the flood of useless psychobabble and distorted images is just what’s needed to once and for all wash over my overburdened brain and extinguish the flame. A baptism of sorts. Oh the irony.

Fuck it, let's dance....

2008-09-16T13:34:00.001-04:00

The Vagina Vote

2008-09-12T09:59:00.011-04:00

Finally the dust is beginning to settle after all the fury and outrage at McCain's estrogen induced political choice of Sarah Palin as his running mate. The latest "pussy poll" (I know it's crude, but seeing the way "women" have been so manipulated and spoken for by far too many men lately I feel it is an appropriate label) has at last confirmed what I've suspected and hoped for all along. Women apparently do not vote with their vaginas - as so many pundits and PUMAs would like you to believe - they actually weigh the issues and decide what's is their best interest. Some examples:

Which ticket understands the issues and concerns important to women?
Obama/Biden 53%
McCain/Palin 35%

Obama also went from a 44% lead (69% to 25%) to a 54% lead (75% to 21%) over McCain among Clinton voters as they learned more about Sarah Palin's background and her positions on core issues.

View the poll in its entirety here.

Remember Always 9/11/01

2008-09-11T09:34:00.001-04:00

Thank you Bob Cesca.....

2008-09-10T09:07:00.003-04:00

A Soldier's Take on the Bullshit of the RNC....

2008-09-08T12:52:00.006-04:00

This post just reiterates what I've been saying about the RNC, only much more eloquently and with more gravitas. Jon Stoltz is the co-founder of VoteVets.org and has served in Operation Iraqi Freedom.

"How Did the RNC Insult the Troops and Veterans? Let Me Count the Ways..."

Happy Friday

2008-09-05T15:46:00.001-04:00

I wish I could force my father-in-law to watch this....

2008-09-05T09:49:00.001-04:00

An all time low in Republican goonery...

2008-09-04T16:17:00.008-04:00

Can they stoop any lower? The lies, the gross distortions and the really bad music pale in comparison to this latest pseudo-patriotic stunt. I realize that the Bush administration and its uber-goons have banned photographers and journalists from military funerals, even at the request of the families, but to use actors and a staged funeral in one of their RNC "we're so proud of our brave men and women" videos is as sickening as it gets.

Fake Soldiers Used In RNC Video

Can we get a little sanity here?

2008-09-02T16:41:00.011-04:00

The cable news Hurricane Gustav spectacle this weekend was bested only by the utter lunacy of the Republican National Convention screeching to a halt because New Orleans might possibly – oh you never can tell – better call in the guard – experience another hurricane.

Everyone was salivating at the prospect of a direct hit on my second favorite city. News crews - local and national – were constantly checking in with low level reporting jack-offs standing in the pouring rain and intense wind eager to show the eyes of the world that yes, they will do just about anything to get on camera. Even the Cooper Scooper had on his traditional, “I’m a serious field reporter” black tee-shirt. Will the levees hold? What about the 10,000 who refused to leave? Look, if those levees can’t withstand a category one hurricane then we might as well throw up our hands in disgust and pack it all in because that would be proof positive that we are a nation of fucktards.

I’m sure you don’t need to be reminded just what exactly Dubya and McCain were doing during Hurricane Katrina, but here’s a visual to jar your memory:

The solemn convention was yet another opportunity for Republicans to flash their vaudeville credentials. I especially liked Laura Bush’s remark about the Gulf Coast governors, “They’re all strong leaders – and they were planning to be here with us today – and they all happen to be republicans.” No shit. Were they expecting any democratic governors to attend?

Look here as our First Lady and her ecto-skeletal potential successor give a weather update and ask people to donate money as if the convention were the Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon:

Finally, here’s a little dose of sanity:

They Can't Be Serious....

2008-08-29T13:06:00.014-04:00

This just in – What can only be yet another wincing example of the why Republicans just don't understand comedy, John McCain has picked Sarah Palin, the 44 year old governor from ALASKA to fill the long coveted seat of Vice President. Palin is the right wing’s example of what a female leader should embody (pun intended) - a former beauty queen and mother of five, including a 5-month-old son with Down’s syndrome and an 18 year old son off to Iraq next month. Palin is pro-life, pro-gun and pro-death penalty. No big surprises there.

She also was mayor of a town of 8,000 and has been Governor for a little over a year. Big time score with experience there, John. Furthermore, she has no policy what so ever on international affairs. The cherry on the Sunday - and it's a big one with a pit - she’s got a bachelor’s degree in Journalism. That’s it. No JD. Not even a Master’s. As a former Journalism graduate student with a 4.0 average I can assure you it is the second easiest degree to acquire next to Physical Education.

As John McCain celebrates his 72^nd birthday today, keep in mind that if he is elected and doesn’t manage to run out the clock, the next leader of the free world will be a former Miss Alaska runner-up with an undergraduate degree in what should essentially be a minor subject and a retarded baby to care for in addition to her duties as commander in chief. The Republicans have truly out done themselves with this latest political stunt. I can't wait for the debate between her and Biden. Tune in on October 2nd at 8 p.m. for the execution.

You know things are bad when.....

2008-08-25T09:24:00.004-04:00

The mob no longer deals in US currency.

"Criminals Dumping Weak US Dollar For Euro"

Happy Friday

2008-08-22T14:29:00.002-04:00

Musical Interlude...

2008-08-21T13:22:00.004-04:00

Okay, everyone knows my deep love for all things U2. This particular song's emotional effect on me is profound on so many levels that I can't even begin to explain. Just enjoy....One.

My friends, it was neither remarkable nor fascinating...

2008-08-17T13:50:00.007-04:00

Last night's "conversation" between the presidential candidates and the high king of Christian goonery was pretty banal as far as I'm concerned. No big surprises or revelations. McCain was tolerable and Obama once again proved that he is a thinking man and was very frank about his religion and his views on the hot button issues like marriage and abortion. Whether or not the fact that Obama actually uses his gift of cognitive thought to make important decisions was a selling point among a group, who all too frequently suspends rational discourse in favor of letting Jesus handle everything, remains to be seen.

The strongest impact the program had on me personally was the drinking game I concocted over the three hour extravaganza. Every time someone said "my friends," "remarkable" or "fascinating" I took a drink. Needless to say I was quite plastered by the end of the evening. And might I recommend drinking Absinthe during this type of mental ping pong - it really illuminates the ridiculousness of the whole process like nothing else.

It's On....

2008-08-15T18:14:00.006-04:00

I guess it's because he's that freaking good - spiritually and politically - that he would agree to answer questions about his personal life and belief in God from one of the high kings of Christian goonery, Rick Warren.

Obama will not only make John McCain look like the cantankerous old fart that he truly is, he also just might sway the goon vote fully in the Democratic direction. Bring it!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/08/15/rick-warrens-forum-to-go_n_119248.html